Chapter 138 – Ordeal

The trial was meant for me. Rubia. Not Noah.

Noah wasn’t supposed to know. The truth of this world…was not for her.

I was meant to die at her hands. Before Lilith’s essence could fully merge with mine.

That was the plan.
My
plan.

I was just a vessel, a shell for Lilith’s power. My fate was predetermined. I couldn’t change it.

I was destined to become Lilith, to burn this world, to lose everything, to forget everything, even the face of the one I loved.

I had to protect Noah. Shield her from the truth.

Killing myself…it would hurt, yes. But afterwards…a world of happiness awaited her. Friends who cared for her.

A future where she could smile.

My life…was a small price to pay.

I
had
to die.

That was the only way.

But…

Why…?

Why wasn’t it
me
?

Why were
you
…facing the trial?

“Rubia…what’s…happening?” Serr’s voice trembled.

“Answer me! Why is the Temple collapsing?! Why are you still
here
?!”

“Noah…she…she had the same plan…”

“She…planned…the same thing…as us…?”

The bracelets on my wrists clinked, a figure coalescing beside me.

[…Ha.]

“Kartia…what…what’s going on? Why is Noah facing the trial—?”

[That brat…knew. All along.]

“Knew…what?”

[That you were supposed to die. By her hand. She knew.]

I didn’t understand.

If she knew I was
destined
to die…that I could understand. The Priestess always dies. It’s…tradition.

But…

That she knew
she
was supposed to kill me…?

Impossible.

Noah didn’t know the truth of this world. Her role in it.

“But…
how
…?”

[I don’t know. She just…
knew
. That damn brat…always playing the fool…stuttering…pretending to be oblivious…] Kartia slumped to the ground, her voice thick with frustration. [If you want to know how she’s doing…use the necklace. She’s wearing it, isn’t she?]

“Ah…”

I closed my eyes, focusing on Noah.

A thread, emanating from my hand, connected.

And Noah’s emotions…

…flooded into my being—

IshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavediedIshouldhavedied

Like…

Everyone…

Said…

I…

Should…

Have…

Died…

***

Then…

Even now…

Die.

You idiot.

***

A woman, raised in an orphanage, alone.

To survive. To dream.

She sacrificed everything, working tirelessly, saving every penny.

And then, at twenty-three, on her way home from work…

She was assaulted.

And left with an unwanted child.

The monster who’d violated her was punished.

But her torment continued.

She resented her neighbors, who’d heard her screams but done nothing.

She hated the world, for its indifference.

The stares, the whispers, the rumors…

She wanted to undo it all. Erase the scars. Rid herself of the child growing inside her.

End her own life.

But the past couldn’t be changed. The scars, both physical and emotional, remained. And she couldn’t bring herself to kill the child. Not alone.

But…together…perhaps…it would be a mercy.

She decided to end it.

In a deserted warehouse. Where she’d been abandoned, years ago.

Alone. Whispering apologies to the life growing inside her. Praying for someone…anyone…to save her from this hell.

She lit the fire.

And then…

…he arrived.

A firefighter. A man who apologized, even when she cursed him, struck him, recoiled from his touch.

He brought her wildflowers in the spring. Ginseng chicken soup in the summer. Roasted chestnuts in the fall. Peeled tangerines for her in the winter.

He saw beauty in her scars.

He wept openly at sad movies, despite his massive frame.

He couldn’t pass a Salvation Army bucket without donating.

He was afraid to touch a puppy, for fear of hurting it.

He wore his own scars with pride.

He found joy in saving others.

He banished her fear, her hatred, her nightmares.

He pulled her from the depths of hell.

And he taught her…to love the child growing inside her.

A hero.

And when spring arrived…

…so did their child.

Shin Noah.

Like the man who built the ark, mocked and ridiculed, but who saved them all.

Like the man who’d saved her.

A hero. To save others.

***

“Hey! Wake up!”

Thump. Thump.

A normal morning.

A familiar hand shaking my shoulder.

“Hurry! Gotta do this before Mom gets back!”

Thump. Thump.

“Ugh…what…?”

“Seriously? You forgot? Mom and Dad’s anniversary is in two days!”

Oh, right.

I dragged myself out of bed.

“Geez, who do you take after, drooling in your sleep?”

Dad grinned, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

“You, Dad…”

“Hey! I don’t drool like
that
.”

A familiar chuckle.

“Wash your face, sleepyhead. Breakfast’s ready.” He ruffled my hair, then left the room.

Ugh, his hand was so rough…

I smoothed my tangled hair, hopping out of bed.

Something felt…off.

What was it…?

Still half-asleep, maybe…?

“Hmm…something…something’s…weird…”

“Get out here and wash your face already!”

“Okay…”

I smoothed my hair again, opening the door.

Creak.
The familiar sound of old hinges.

And that familiar smell…

“Doenjang jjigae?”

“Yep. Dad’s special recipe. Extra brisket. Don’t tell Mom.”

“Ooh…brisket…”

I hurried to the bathroom, swinging the door open.

A blast of cold air.

“Brrr…Dad! The window!”

“Mold! Deal with it!”

I clicked my tongue, shuffling into the bathroom and turning on the faucet. I perched on the toilet lid, waiting for the water to warm.

Steam began to rise. I stood, adjusting the temperature. Perfect.

I cupped the water in my hands, splashing it on my face.

“Splurt!”

Again.

“Splash!”

Water dripped from my hair, soaking my pajamas.

“…My hair…?” It was completely wet. Why hadn’t I tied it back?

“Something’s…wrong…”

I shrugged off the unease, toweling my face dry and heading for the kitchen.

“Ow! Hot!”

Dad was already eating.

“Hey! Wait for me!”

I tossed the towel in the hamper and sat down.

“Hah… Eat up, kiddo. Before it gets cold.”

Dad, his face flushed from the heat of the stew, piled tofu, potatoes, and brisket into my bowl.

“Thanks!”

I blew on a steaming potato and popped it into my mouth.

“Ow! Hot! Hot!”

“Told you to blow on it, dummy!”

“Water! Water!”

Dad chuckled, swallowing his mouthful of tofu and rushing to pour me some barley tea.

“Spit it out if it’s hot, kiddo. Don’t just sit there and suffer.”

I gulped down the lukewarm tea, shivering.

“You were eating it too, Dad… My tongue…”

“I’m a firefighter. I can handle it. You’re too fragile.”

“Firefighters are human too, you know.”

“Your dad isn’t just any firefighter. I’m practically Captain America.”

“You’re…similarly sized, I guess.”

I giggled, standing up.

“Hey, where are you going? Don’t like the stew?”

“No, it’s delicious. My hair’s annoying. Getting a hair tie.”

“Ah. Thought you were leaving in protest.”

“It’s really good, Dad.”

I smiled, hurrying back to my room.

I opened the door.

And saw myself.

Reflected in the full-length mirror.

Pale skin. Long, tangled hair reaching my waist. Small, barely 140 centimeters tall. Slender limbs. Innocent eyes. Red irises.

“…Oh.”

Was this…what I looked like?