Chapter 51 – Ursphere (5)

“I’m going to sleep in Hephaestus’s room tonight. Rubia, you sleep alone.”

Noah’s words hit me like a hammer to the back of the head.

No, that’s not quite right. I’ve experienced that before, and this was worse.

Even when I was mauled by beasts far stronger than humans, the shock wasn’t as intense as this.

I’ve had my arms torn apart, my legs broken, my insides spilled out—and I endured it all with unwavering mental fortitude.

But that one simple sentence from Noah, that small girl, shattered it all.

A flash of light blinded me momentarily. Intense dizziness washed over me, and my legs gave way. Suddenly, the world tilted, and I felt the cold floor against my back.

“R-Rubia…?” Hephaestus’s voice trembled with concern.

Hephaestus. Hephaestus. Hephaestus…?

“You’re going to sleep… in Hephaestus’s room? Alone? At night?” I mumbled, my thoughts scattered.

Hephaestus had said she loved her master, Yuria, a woman. Noah is also a woman. But Hephaestus’s love for Yuria seemed so overwhelming. I know Hephaestus wouldn’t do anything inappropriate to Noah. She’s not that kind of person.

“Rubia…?” Noah approached hesitantly, still sitting in her chair.

She looked… cute. So cute. If Hephaestus saw this, could she really resist?

The image of Noah sleeping peacefully floated through my mind. She was so adorable. Her soft breaths, her little fingers twitching in her sleep, her toes curling up so tightly—everything about her was so precious.

And seeing her like that… could anyone really resist?

My head turned involuntarily, meeting Hephaestus’s confused and panicked gaze.

“Why don’t we all sleep together tonight?” Hephaestus suggested, her voice uncertain.

“W-Wait… but I—” Noah started, but Hephaestus quickly covered her mouth.

“I mean, we already paid for separate rooms, but let’s all sleep together tonight! Then tomorrow, I’ll be busy with the greatsword reforging, so you two can spend some time alone, right?”

Tomorrow. Noah, without her greatsword. Just the two of us.

“It’ll take two whole days to finish. I’ll be at the blacksmith’s all day until bedtime.”

“W-What? Two days?” Noah asked, surprised.

“Yeah. I’ve got the materials and the forge, but the equipment isn’t the best, so it’ll take longer than expected.”

I felt the blood return to my body, and my scattered thoughts slowly began to reconnect. I stood up quietly, brushing off my clothes.

“I apologize for my behavior earlier,” I said, my voice regaining its usual calm.

“U-Uh, Rubia… you’re bleeding,” Noah said, her voice filled with concern.

I looked down to see a deep gash along my ankle, blood pooling around my foot. Now aware of it, the pain started to register, but only for a moment. The wound healed quickly, the bleeding stopping almost immediately.

“See? It’s fine now,” I assured her.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Rubia…?” Noah asked, approaching cautiously.

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m sorry for worrying you. Let’s finish our meal now, shall we?”

“Y-Yeah… And let’s do what Hephaestus said. We can all sleep together tonight… I-I’m sorry, too…” Noah fidgeted, slowly extending her hand toward me.

“No, I’m the one who should apologize, Noah. There’s no need for you to feel sorry.” I subtly pulled my hand away from her reach, causing Noah to flinch slightly.

“Let’s finish eating quickly and rest, okay? Hephaestus will be busy tomorrow, after all.”

“O-Okay…” Noah’s hand, which had been hanging in the air, slowly withdrew to rest against her chest.

I felt bad, but right now, I needed to keep some distance.

***

After dinner, we settled into bed—me on the left, Noah in the middle, and Hephaestus on the right. Despite the cramped space, Noah’s small frame made it manageable.

As we said our goodnights, Noah turned to me and murmured, “Rubia… sleep well.”

“Yes, you too, Noah.” I gave her a gentle smile and closed my eyes.

But sleep eluded me. I quietly rose and walked to the window, taking in the cool night air.

Sigh

I replayed Noah’s words in my head. Rationally, it wasn’t a shocking statement. She was simply upset and uncomfortable sharing a bed. That’s all.

So why had I reacted so strongly?

Why had that clingy, irrational emotion swirled through my mind?

Why had the thought of them being alone together… calmed me down?

If I had to name this feeling, I suppose it would be… obsession. It wasn’t like the affection I felt for a sibling, nor was it a simple bond between friends.

Then… what was it?

Maybe because she was the first friend I had ever truly opened up to? Or because I felt a sense of kinship with her? Or perhaps… because she had become a guiding presence in my life?

I don’t know.

But I had let my emotions get the better of me and probably made Noah uncomfortable. Hephaestus had said Noah might be afraid of me abandoning her. But what if… that wasn’t the case?

What if, instead of Noah being afraid of me leaving her… I’m the one afraid that Noah will leave me?

I’ve been so overbearing… so much so that if Noah decided to leave me, it wouldn’t be surprising. But I can’t even ask her how she really feels. Noah is too kind. She wouldn’t give me an answer that would hurt me.

Yet, when Noah clings to me… what emotion is driving her? When she grabs my hand first, when she gets angry seeing me hurt, when she swears to protect me for the rest of her life… What is she feeling?

I don’t know. It’s all too complicated.

I’ve never really had a relationship with anyone. As the priestess everyone looks up to, I’ve never had to figure out someone’s true feelings.

The way I feel toward Noah—it’s not sweet, or warm, or light like the love I’ve heard about. It’s heavy. It’s clingy. Is this… obsession? Or something else?

I don’t know my own feelings. And I don’t understand Noah’s.

So… maybe I should put some distance between us for a while. Just enough time to figure out what this all means. It might not be the right answer. In fact, it might be the worst mistake I could make.

That possibility terrifies me. But I can’t let this go on. I can’t let these feelings damage our relationship. I want to stay with Noah… just a little longer.

I gently tucked her stray hairs behind her ear and wiped the drool from the corner of her mouth. Then, I lay back down in bed and closed my eyes.

But even as morning approached, sleep never came.

When Noah woke up, the greatsword was gone, as expected. And… so was I. Even as time passed and she made it clear she was awake, I didn’t approach her.

“R-Rubia?” she called out hesitantly.

No answer. But she could hear my breathing, steady and calm.

“Rubia…!”

Thud

There was a faint clatter as I responded from across the room. “Ahem… Yes?”

“Oh… uh… it’s nothing.”

“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“…Okay.”

I could sense Noah’s confusion at my distance. Usually, I would be right by her side. Is she still upset about how angry I got last night…? she wondered.

Noah instinctively reached for her missing greatsword, her hand grasping at empty air. “Uhm… R-Rubia.”

“Yes?”

She wanted to ask me to hold her hand. But after all the fuss she made about not sleeping together last night, asking now would definitely hurt my feelings, wouldn’t it? Yeah… if it were me, I’d feel bad too…

“N-Never mind.”

Once again, silence filled the room. Amidst that quiet, Noah could hear my breathing and the muffled noise of the busy streets outside the window.

This weird feeling… It wasn’t there before. Why do I feel so… unsettled? Noah thought.

She pulled the blanket up to her chin and hugged her pillow tight. But… something still felt missing.

Noah reached out and grabbed my pillow from beside her. It smelled like me, and she buried her face in it. But… it didn’t carry the warmth I usually had.

Just a little. Just a little… I feel lonely.

It’s ridiculous to feel like this now, but… I want Rubia to hold me. Tightly enough that I can feel her heartbeat. So there’s no space between us. I can’t see anything. But I want to sense everything about her. Hold me.