Chapter 61: something about us

“Please ring it up.”

“Um… sure.”

As she said that and handed over the item, the cashier scanned the barcode, looking flustered.

It wasn’t even cigarettes, so why was she so flustered? Well, leaving aside the question of legality, it would be natural to be flustered when a junior high school girl in her school uniform comes in broad daylight and asks to buy condoms.

Behind me, a company employee peeks out from behind the counter, watching my expression.

On the way home, how would others perceive a gloomy middle school girl buying condoms? A precocious child? A delinquent? A slut? Whatever the case, it’s not a big deal in today’s world, but what if the person in question were a family member? Ugh, I don’t even want to say the word.

Blah, blah, blah.

When I’m actually face to face with the person, I can’t say anything. What the hell is this?

Still, it’s better than getting pregnant just because I don’t want to be embarrassed.

I may be on a downward slope in life, but it’s better than rushing headlong into it.

When self-loathing becomes unbearable, I always justify myself this way.

But it’s just empty self-comfort, a family tree that’s been torn to shreds.

Such comparisons never make any sense.

I shove a small paper box into my front pocket and step outside.

The sun is slowly setting. I leisurely count the tiles on the floor as I walk.

“Hello, nice to see you again!”

The next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, the woman went to the library.

A corner seat where no sunlight reaches and no one visits.

While the others were chatting cheerfully outside, she deliberately came to this gloomy library to have a gloomy conversation with a gloomy woman in the gloomiest place.

If even this place is violated, the only place left to escape to is the bathroom, but she rolls her eyes under her bangs, which hang like a curtain.

She forced herself to stare at the small letters on the toilet seat that smelled of feces. No matter what, that was too miserable.

“What are you reading today?”

The woman had come closer without her noticing.

Her faint breath tickled her ear. Could a person smell this good? She fidgeted with her fingers for no reason.

His heart pounds as if someone were whipping him.

She’s a woman, she’s a woman, but it’s a useless mantra.

He hurriedly calms his excitement at the sudden thrill that flashes through his mind. It’s dangerous.

He almost lost control again. His dizzy head finally calms down, like a middle school boy who hasn’t lost his virginity.

“So, what class are you in? You’re a third-year student too, right?”

She asks, her white face coming close to mine.

Her lips, lightly coated with lip gloss, twitch. Her innocent eyes reflect the other person, me, transparently.

…It’s still awkward.

I don’t know why she’s been seeking me out lately, but it’s just a fleeting connection anyway.

A relationship that will pass in an instant. And I’m not the type of person who can enjoy such a connection.

Even if you say I’m like a hedgehog, holed up alone, it’s fine.

The shadow that doesn’t catch anyone’s eye suits me. I can’t understand the lives of the popular kids who are willing to talk to even a trivial girl like me.

I straighten my bent knees and slam the book shut.

My clear eyes are filled with confusion, but I keep my voice as cold as possible. No matter what expression I make, I’ll just look like a loser anyway.

“…I don’t understand. What do you want from me that you’re bothering me?”

“Huh? What do you want? I just want to be friends…”

“Be friends…?”

The woman replied calmly. She spoke clearly, but her words trailed off ambiguously.

What do you want to do? With just one sentence, the fragile tower of reason collapsed.

Like an impala in front of a pride of lions, his mind went completely blank. Doubt and confusion struck him like lightning.

His ears rang with tinnitus. What on earth was her intention? He desperately rolled his eyes, trying to read the woman’s expression.

And what filled his vision was the woman’s complexion, which was darker than usual.

Such feelings were inappropriate in this situation, but even her lost light was maddeningly beautiful.

It wasn’t the first page of a pure love comic, but it was a magic that could make even a weak mind mistake it for something beautiful.

He gaped, and for a moment, he opened his mouth ugly without realizing it. So, what was this woman saying just now?

“If I bothered you, I’m sorry. I just wanted to be friends. Actually, I don’t have any friends either.”

She looks like she’d be surrounded by men and live like a queen bee, yet she says she doesn’t have any friends? That doesn’t make sense.

Or is this the kind of woman that other women hate, as I’ve heard? I too have XX chromosomes, but I don’t understand the ecology of women.

No, not just women, I don’t understand the physiology of humans as a species.

That’s because I’ve never had a normal relationship with anyone else.

To begin with, no one would approach a woman with such a gloomy appearance, and the only family I have is a trashy man.

Yet they say humans are social animals—what a foolish statement. Or am I less than human?

But I don’t delude myself. I have no friends, which is a gloomy fact, but that doesn’t mean everyone is the same.

This woman, who was born radiant, and me, who was born cursed. We don’t belong together, and we never will.

Even if we were bound by some trivial sense of empathy, the outcome would be obvious.

To others, she might seem like a woman receiving a confession of love.

She shakes her head indifferently at the pink-hued fantasies floating in her mind and speaks in a calm voice. “I don’t need friends.”

“That…”

Like an actor reading a script, she had dug through the dusty archives of her memories to prepare the most resolute sentence, but after uttering just one word,

her tongue froze. Why, how could this be? She was so flustered she felt sick. Rejection was something she was used to.

Only then did she realize. She was used to being rejected, not to rejecting others. What a fool I am.

“Wait, just a moment!”

In the end, unable to refuse or accept, I left the place.

As if someone were chasing me, I hurriedly moved my legs, passing through the noisy hallway.

The groups of people chatting here and there. As if mocking my own confusion, trivial conversations continued.

This isn’t me. This doesn’t suit me. He mumbled words that no one could hear.

But even though his mouth was lying, his heart couldn’t lie, and he could clearly hear his heart pounding. It was different from being surprised or tired.

It doesn’t matter. This isn’t me.

“Hoo…”

I return to my seat and catch my breath.

Perhaps because it’s still early for lunch, the classroom, which is usually packed during class time, is about two-thirds empty.

I lie down on my desk as usual and close my eyes.

At that time, I didn’t even know what that pounding was. I just repeated stupid words like an automaton.

So calm down, and starting tomorrow, don’t go to the library.

It means losing one of my escape routes, but it’s better than facing that woman’s face again.

I can’t really sleep, but I force myself to sleep by counting the sheep in the pasture.

When the number of sheep running around in the pasture exceeds eighty, I feel a hand tapping my shoulder.

“I have something to tell you. Is that okay?”

I jump up in surprise. For a moment, I think it’s that woman, so I quickly look at the person’s face, but it’s not her at all.

It’s not even a woman. It’s a slimy man wearing glasses like Kim Gu.

I feel relieved, but also a strange sense of disappointment. He stammered as he always did.

“Why, why are you like that, class president?”

“No, I have a favor to ask.”

“A favor…?”

“Yeah, I heard you’re close with that girl, Isia.”

His mind stalled at the unfamiliar name. Then he recalled a memory from a few days ago and opened his mouth blankly.

That was the name of the woman who was still causing chaos in my head.

“Well, we’re not really close…”

I just want to be friends with her—I hurriedly silenced the voice in my heart that was blurting out whatever it wanted.

Instead, my voice trembled with uncertainty,

but the man didn’t seem to notice.

That’s all.

“Can you ask the dog to come out to the school’s back mountain tonight?”

“Why?”

“Just because I have something to talk about. Well, it’s none of your business.”

As he spoke, the man’s stiff arm wrapped around her shoulder.

His large hand gripped her delicate flesh tightly, and she couldn’t help but let out a faint moan.

“Ugh…”

“Please, I’m begging you. Okay? Please.”

Why did that woman’s smiling face come to mind at that moment?

Whatever the reason, one thing was certain: the man’s eyes were gleaming with greed as he spoke those words.

Unlike the innocent eyes of the woman who had said she wanted to be friends, Sia’s eyes were different.