Chapter 24: My sister was wrong

After leaving the entrance, I walked for a few minutes. Once I confirmed the apartment was out of sight, I sat down on a nearby bench and let out the sigh I had been holding in.

“If you’re really not feeling well, we can go to the emergency room now. Should I call a taxi?”
“I thought I was going to die from fear.”
“What?”

I had been trying to endure by mentally preparing myself all day, but I had reached my limit. My stomach was churning from eating under extreme tension, trying to maintain a poker face, and I was spewing out bile. My stomach rumbled in protest.

“You said you knew what you had to do.”

Han Yeoreum looked at me with a dumbfounded expression. It was true that I knew the direction I needed to go, but that didn’t change the fact that I was scared.

“I thought you were going to say something cool.”
“I didn’t stutter, did I? Was it obvious?”
“You didn’t stutter. Geez, if you’re going to act cool, at least see it through.”
“Who am I trying to impress? I’m not that kind of person in the first place.”

In fact, trying to deny that had only made things worse.

“…Do you think you can endure it like this? You’re meeting them next Friday, aren’t you?”

Next week.
Han Yeoreum’s words reminded me of what had just happened.

****

“Anyway, Dojin… We’re planning a farewell party for you at our villa next week…?”
“Suddenly? Do the company people know?”

Oh Minseo wagged her finger at my words.

“Of course… I already discussed it with the company people…”
“What if I said I wasn’t going?”
“That won’t happen… Even if you refused, I would have sent you somehow… Actually, it feels a little anticlimactic that things resolved so easily…? I had a lot prepared…”

Oh Minseo said, blowing on a strand of hair she had twisted around her finger.

“That’s settled then. Clear your schedule from next Friday to Sunday… Okay…? You can bring that girl if you want… I’ll talk to them…”
“Okay. But you have to tell me how to get there. Train tickets can sell out if you don’t book them in advance.”
“I will personally pick you up from your residence, so you don’t need to worry about transportation.”

Oh Cheongmyeong replied to my question with a smile.

“Let’s go and relieve our stress, have some fun… You can look forward to it…”

Oh Minseo’s story ended there. Her eye-smile was still artificial, devoid of any sincerity.

****

“Well, after talking for a few hours, I feel like this, so I might just lie in bed groaning for three days when I get there.”
“Should I laugh?”

Han Yeoreum said, twisting the hem of her clothes with a troubled expression.

“Hey.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you have a plan?”
“A plan?”

I asked.

“You said you were going to talk to them. Do you have a plan for how you’re going to do it?”
“No.”
“Stop joking.”
“I don’t. So I have to think about it now.”

A soft sigh escaped Han Yeoreum’s lips at my words. She scratched her head for a moment and then spoke again.

“Hey.”
“Yeah.”
“Want me to help?”
“Huh?”
“You said you’re just going to lie there groaning for three days. Do you want my help or not?”

Han Yeoreum said that and plopped down next to me. At her admirable yet somehow apologetic demeanor, I…

“Were you not going to help then? Of course, you have to help.”
“What?”

As I said that with a grin, Han Yeoreum’s expression froze.

“Were you just going to sit there and do nothing?”
“I suddenly feel like doing that.”

Han Yeoreum muttered in a subdued voice, glaring at me with narrowed eyes. I chuckled apologetically at her expression and then said very softly, as if it were a passing remark.

“Thanks.”
“When we first met, I didn’t think he was this much of a weirdo. How did he become like this?”

Han Yeoreum muttered, ruffling her hair irritably.

“Yes, I’m sorry for being a weirdo. Shall we go then?”
“That tone is annoying, so stop it.”
“Yes.”

We got up from the bench and walked towards the bus stop.

“Well, we can think about the plan slowly.”
“Right, there’s still plenty of time.”
“What are you going to do about that?”

Han Yeoreum, walking beside me, glanced behind us and muttered softly. Following her gaze, I saw a shadowy figure moving in the distance.

“…I’m thinking about it now.”
“You said that this morning too.”

As soon as Han Yeoreum finished speaking, someone rushed out from behind the utility pole with a rustling sound.
Quickly ducking behind the utility pole on the other side, she peeked her head out and cautiously looked towards us.

Her ivory hair, braided down her shoulders, seemed a little drier than before, and her face, which used to give a soft, fluffy impression like a sheep, had become quite gaunt in a few days, exuding a menacing aura.

“You said all those letters piled up at your doorstep were from her.”
“For now.”

Ah, letters, there’s nothing more joyful than receiving letters. There was a woman who said that in a book I read once.
I think so too. There’s nothing more heart-fluttering than receiving a letter filled with someone’s feelings. In that sense, the letter I received this morning was quite heart-fluttering. No, it was more than heart-fluttering, it felt like my heart was plummeting.

The content of the letter was as follows:

I know it’s wrong for me to be writing this. No, it’s selfish. It’s disgusting. I also know that it might reopen the wounds I inflicted on you.
What I did to you was a cruel and dirty act that no human should commit. Even an animal would be disgusted by what I did.

So on the day you left the company, I thought about the words you left me, over and over again. About the mistakes I’ve made and what I need to do from now on…
Yes, I know. For me to disappear from your sight. That’s what you truly want.

But, but Dojin. A life without you feels so terrible that I can’t even imagine it. Not even for a moment. You might think it’s creepy, but I can’t help it. It’s true.

So please, don’t abandon me.
I won’t ask for your forgiveness. It’s okay if you hate me for the rest of your life, you can even treat me like a punching bag to relieve your stress. Just let me stay by your side.
I’ll do anything for that. If it’s something that can make you happy, I’ll do anything.

You might not believe it if I just write it down. So I’ll prove it first. The letters sent with this are a statement and a letter of apology, detailing in various aspects how my past actions towards you were wrong.
It’s okay if you burn them without reading them. These are just proof. Proof that I’m deeply remorseful for my past actions.

I’m sorry. I know this isn’t the best way, but as you know, I’m not very smart, so this was all I could think of right now. If there’s anything you want, anything I can do for you, please tell me anytime. I’ll come running immediately.

So please, just don’t abandon me.

I couldn’t breathe while reading the letter.
The countless anxieties that must have crossed her mind before she picked up the pen, and the pain she must have felt while writing the letter, were conveyed so vividly through her words.

It was true that I had been disappointed with Dasom. But it was never something that should have escalated to this extreme.

I felt an unbearable disgust for my past self, who had carelessly spewed out words I shouldn’t have, swept away by momentary emotions.

Of course, it was an inevitable conflict that should have happened between us at some point, but it shouldn’t have happened in that way. I needed to choose my words more carefully and convey them more gently.

But no matter how much I regretted it, what’s done is done, and what I had to do was clear. Yes, that was enough.
I took a deep breath, turned around, and started walking.

“You said you were still thinking.”

Han Yeoreum said, grabbing my arm.

“It’ll be too late if I just keep thinking.”

There was no point in dwelling on a problem that couldn’t be solved even after half a day of thinking.

I removed Han Yeoreum’s arm and walked towards the utility pole where Dasom was hiding. As she fidgeted behind the pole, the distance between us gradually narrowed, and soon, we were face to face.

“D-Dojin. This, this is, I mean. I was on my way home and suddenly saw you. I was afraid you’d hate it if we ran into each other, so… you know? It’s definitely not what you’re thinking. How could I, in my position.”

Dasom, upon seeing me, started trembling and gasping for breath, as if she had encountered a monster.

I expected it, but it’s still painful. It’s tens of times more painful than reading it in writing, so much so that I wanted to just close my eyes. But I couldn’t.
Suppressing the emotions rising in my throat, I slowly opened my lips.

“Dasom.”

As soon as I spoke, she let out a soft gasp, collapsed on the ground, and started pouring out words in a tearful voice.

“I-I was wrong. Dojin, I was wrong. Everything, from beginning to end, is my fault. I shouldn’t have done that to you, of all people… Sob, forgive me. Forgive me just this once. I’ll do better from now on. I, I can’t live without you.”

Blood was seeping from Dasom’s knee, presumably from collapsing so suddenly. I quickly grabbed her arm and helped her up, speaking.

“Wait, I didn’t come here to hear that.”
“O-Of course. It’s only natural that you wouldn’t want to hear such empty apologies. Ah, m-money, I have it here. I brought a lot in my pocket so I can give it to you whenever you need it. Or, do you want to hit me? Should I lend you some knuckles…?”

Feeling miserable, I gripped Dasom’s shoulders with both hands.

“Dasom.”

Dasom, stiff as a stone, nodded, her face on the verge of tears.

“I came here to talk. With you.”
“T-Talk? Dojin, with me…?”
“Yeah, can you listen?”
“O-Of course. Of course, of course. Anything Dojin wants. E-Even insults are fine…”

I took a deep breath and spoke.

“I’m sorry.”
“Huh…?”

Dasom, her head snapped up, blinked her eyes as if she had heard something unbelievable, and covered her mouth with one hand.

“I’m sorry for getting angry last time. It’s true that I was disappointed with you, but what I said then was clearly a mistake.”
“Wh-What are you talking about? Why are you apologizing to me, Dojin?”
“Because I didn’t trust you. Even though I knew you weren’t that kind of person, I didn’t try to find out why you were doing that.”

My lips swelled and my mouth went dry as I spoke. I paused for a moment and then continued.

“I want to reconcile. And with you again—”
“Wait, Dojin.”

Dasom, cutting me off, had a strangely calm expression.

“So Dojin, you’re saying… you’ll forgive me? Without any conditions or compensation?”

I nodded silently. Then, Dasom stared blankly at my face for a moment, then suddenly leaned in close and gripped my shoulders tightly.

“…That’s impossible, isn’t it?”

Her eyes, devoid of light, stared intently at me.

“You know, I restricted your diet even though you didn’t want me to. I threw away all your cherished plastic models overnight just because I didn’t like them, and I cut up all your clothes that I didn’t like. I even stopped you from buying a car because I was afraid you’d suddenly leave. I even secretly installed a GPS app on your phone to monitor your whereabouts 24/7, and when I thought that wasn’t enough, I even followed you. Huh? Dojin, I’m the kind of woman who found happiness in restricting and oppressing your life. How could you forgive such a woman so easily? It’s impossible, isn’t it?”

Speechless at her relentless, icy pressure, I was trying to gather my thoughts when Dasom continued.

“Dojin, you’re mistaken. You think you’ve forgiven me. Or maybe you’re just enduring it. Because you’re such a kind child. A warm child who always cares about others more than yourself, right? But you know… I’m a foolish person, so I can’t help but be confused when you do that. I’ll get excited and conceited again, and I’ll end up hurting you like last time.”
“Wait, that’s not it, I really.”

Dasom placed her index finger on my lips and said.

“Dojin, I’m sorry. I was too petty, wasn’t I? No, I was actually petty and disgusting. I subconsciously knew that if I acted pitiful like this, kind-hearted Dojin would forgive me easily. I’m truly a vulgar woman… I can’t forgive myself. You think so too, don’t you, Dojin?”

Dasom, trembling as if unable to contain her anger, suddenly smiled and spoke.

“But don’t worry. If you don’t punish me, Dojin, I’ll punish myself. You can accept that, right? For example… like this.”

As soon as she finished speaking, Dasom slapped her own cheek. She hit herself so hard that crimson liquid started dripping from her nose.

“Dasom, what are you doing!”
“Dojin, you stay still.”

Dasom, pushing me away with terrifying strength, continued to slap her own cheek. I jumped up and grabbed both her arms.

“Stop it! I told you I don’t need any compensation or anything!”

Dasom’s shoulders flinched. As if she had finally come to her senses, she looked at me with trembling eyes and then burst into tears.

“I just need you—”
“I-I’m sorry. I, I… Ah, Dojin told me not to. He told me not to, but I did it. Again, selfishly. Why, why am I always…”

Dasom, biting her nails as if she couldn’t believe what she had just done, violently pushed me away when I tried to wipe her bloody nose and started running in the opposite direction.

“Dasom!”

I tried to chase after her, but it was difficult to catch Dasom, who was running through the alley at an almost inhuman speed.

“Dammit!”

Clutching my pounding chest, I took out my phone and called Dasom, but her voice never came through the receiver.

“…When you get home, immediately, ugh, think, plan, okay?”

Han Yeoreum, stumbling and running behind me, said, gasping for breath.

“I have to.”

Since things have come to this, I’ll make sure the farewell party is a success, no matter what. I thought, clenching my fists.