episode_0195

Poke poke—.

A sensation felt on my cheek.

Beyond my gently closed eyelids, a blurry light flickered.

Thanks to that, my waking consciousness sluggishly floated up.

Crushed by fatigue, I rubbed my eyes.

What then came into view was the familiar scene of a hospital room.

“……”

Someone was holding onto my sleeve.

I looked down at the hospital bed.

Sitting atop the pure white blanket was a girl of about ten years old.

She was a girl with a frail appearance, even compared to her peers.

As our eyes met, her small lips spoke.

It was a soft voice, like a bird chirping.

“Oppa! You weren’t listening to my story again, were you!”

An unusually sharp tone.

Had she gotten upset?

The girl was pouting as she looked at me.

The patient gown on her small body made her look, at a glance, like an angel in white.

After spacing out for a moment, I tightly held her small, delicate hand and smiled.

Tender warmth filled my palm.

“Sorry… I dozed off for a bit.”

“You said you’d play with me! Oppa, you’re a liar…”

“I’m sorry. I won’t do it again next time, so won’t you forgive me?”

“……You’ll do it again. You’ve promised so many times already.”

“Really. I’ll definitely keep it this time.”

“Then, promise again this time!”

“If that’s okay with you, I promise.”

“Hmm… Okay! I’ll forgive you!”

“Thank you.”

“Hehe.”

The atmosphere quickly lightened.

When I gently extended my hand, she leaned her head against it as if she had been waiting.

As if by habit, I stroked the child’s hair.

The girl leaned into me with an innocent smile.

The body warmth that melted into my chest was clearly distinct.

“Oppa, I cried today too.”

“……Are you feeling better now?”

“I cried because I missed Oppa, but I listened to the Nurse-unnie and stopped right away.”

“So the Nurse-nim took care of you again. I should thank her separately.”

“Nurse-unnie said that if I cried, Oppa, who works so hard, would be upset…”

“That’s admirable. You thought of Oppa even while crying.”

“Hehehe. So praise me quickly!”

A smile that shone brightly.

I carefully ran my hand through it, as if afraid it might break.

Her black hair softly parted under my fingertips.

The scene reflected in my eyes was more precious than anything.

I faintly raised the corners of my lips.

“You’re so admirable… my little sister.”

The only light left in my world.

And a light that would soon extinguish.

Today, too, I was taking care of the angel who had descended into the hospital room.

Treading through each day, as comforting as it was perilous.

***

It was a life with nothing particularly special.

The life of an ordinary, poor family.

It was just slightly more unfortunate and slightly more depressing than others.

To put it blandly, it was the kind of family that might appear in a cheap melodrama.

Such a typical environment was our reality.

-Oppa!

There were only two people in our family.

Me, and my younger sister, ten years my junior.

Both our parents passed away early in an accident.

It was precisely when my sister was about to enter elementary school.

I remembered that day.

-I’m worried… You can take good care of your sister, right?

-It makes me uneasy, just Mom and Dad going by ourselves.

-You have to protect your sister for two days. You understand what Mom says, right?

-I’ll contact you once we arrive there.

Wedding anniversary.

A humble domestic trip they had decided to take for the occasion.

Their figures as they left the front door then were the last I remembered of my parents.

Because what returned instead of Mom’s call was a strange doctor’s declaration of death.

I stood there, dazed and lost, as I went through an unfamiliar funeral.

My sister was holding onto my sleeve.

-It’s 7.56 million won.

Burning the bones, placing them in an urn, and enshrining them in a columbarium.

A process one naturally goes through when someone dies.

How much money was spent on it, I learned at an earlier age than others.

I took out the neatly folded condolence money with my crumpled hands and counted it.

Why did a mere few grams of stacked banknotes feel so heavy?

The smell of funeral money permeated through my small, fern-like fingers.

-What… should I do now…?

The house I returned to after the ceremony.

I leaned against the window, crying silently every dawn.

The life left before me was nothing but a hellish path.

As a child still, I was only afraid.

But even so, I didn’t collapse.

-Oppa, are you crying…?

I couldn’t collapse.

My sister, who didn’t know anything, merely watched me.

You, who approached in your pajamas, having woken up at some point, and hugged me.

For that child’s sake, I had to harden my resolve.

That day I cried so bitterly was still vivid.

-If you hire me, I’ll work hard!

I quit school.

I gave up my youth and picked up rough equipment.

On hot days, I carried rebar, and on cold days, I spread concrete.

While kids my age were building memories, I was stacking steel and bricks on a construction site.

Every day, I dragged my exhausted body and filled my stomach with ramen.

It felt like my lifespan was being chipped away day by day.

However, even so, it was okay.

-Oppa!

Because when I returned home, you were there, smiling brightly.

Thanks to that innocent smile, I was able to endure life.

Whenever I got tired, I often imagined it.

You, having eventually grown into an adult.

‘You’ll be happy, won’t you?’

I wished you would be different from me.

Knowing how to live like a child, like normal children.

Building memories with friends instead of bricks on a construction site.

Going to school, begging for expensive academy fees, and sometimes enjoying a bit of rebellion.

And in the end, whether good or not, even stepping foot into a university.

About a life of getting to know life itself.

‘Please, at least you…’

Perhaps it was greed.

The things I didn’t know, the things I gave up, the things I regretted…

I wanted to give all of that to you.

I wished you would become someone who consumed, dreamed, and achieved dreams.

My school days, which I exchanged for a livelihood, were for that purpose.

My desire for your happiness.

I had no dreams.

Therefore.

My dream was you.

‘It’ll be okay.’

Three years passed like that.

I became an adult, and my precarious life found a balance.

My sister was now old enough to celebrate her ninth birthday.

It felt as if I had developed a knack for living through hell.

I slowly started to find happiness and leisure in my daily life.

At that time, I think I arrogantly thought,

‘Isn’t this… good enough?’

It didn’t take long for me to realize.

That happiness was not always on our side.

-At most, six months.

-It would be best to prepare yourself.

My sister fell ill when she turned ten.

According to the doctor’s opinion, it was a rare disease.

You know how it is.

A disease name so hard to remember that it often appears in movies and dramas.

The illness that entered her frail body was something so incomprehensible.

Perhaps that was why the convoluted disease name was so terrifying.

The only answer from the doctor was that there was no way.

‘Why.’

The life of an ordinary, poor family.

A life that was just slightly more unfortunate and slightly more depressing than others.

That slight margin was, at times, cruel to us.

In the end, I couldn’t help but collapse.

-Oppa… am I sick?

My sister, looking up at me with tear-filled eyes.

In contrast to the pitch-black reality, there was the pure white hospital bed and patient gown.

Even while crying, I couldn’t bring myself to let go of her frail body.

Perhaps I was afraid of being alone.

Foolishly, I lacked the courage to let you go.

-Mr. Kim~! You’re working hard these days, aren’t you?

-Is something going on at home?

-His eyes are full of venom, it’s even scary from beside him.

-He’s so young… and he doesn’t even go out to play.

-He’s a truly diligent young man.

I just continued to live fiercely, as before.

Hospitalization, and pouring hospital bills.

To cover them, I had to tread through an even deeper hell.

Deliveries at dawn, construction work during the day, nursing in the evening, and deliveries again at night.

I knew it was a meaningless endeavor, but I didn’t want to think it was meaningless.

I was prepared to do anything if it meant buying you more time.

No, if I didn’t have that resolve, I felt like I would go crazy.

-Please.

Because I wanted you to live.

Gentle reminiscence flowed.

I slowly opened my eyes.

“Oppa!”

What appeared beyond my opened vision was still the pure white hospital room.

Similarly, you were sitting on the white hospital bed.

Your bright smile, unchanged, returned.

You innocently held onto my sleeve.

“You were listening to my story, weren’t you?”

“Of course… of course.”

“Hehe! So, what happened was, Nurse-unnie today…”

You chattered away like a song.

On my lips was silence; I merely stroked her hair.

The sunset outside the window painted an evening of a summer day.

I made small talk with a faint smile.

‘Is that so.’

My feet, which had just been treading on a construction site.

The throbbing muscle pain testified to a grueling day.

What awaited me next was a delivery job scheduled for late at night.

My eyelids drooped with overwhelming fatigue, but I forced myself to stay awake.

Because I wanted to cherish this time I had with someone precious.

I simply thought.

‘This… was my nightmare.’

The pure white hospital room.

The angel in white living beyond it.

My own nightmare was truly poignant.

I fully embraced the soft body warmth in my hands.

‘Dawn Watcher.’

I was trapped in a nightmare.

To be precise, I was asleep in my own unconscious.

With my fingertips, I processed the illusion’s output.

After confirming there was no problem, I released the power as it was.

Inside, I thought of the girl who would be fighting a battle elsewhere.

‘Neria… I wonder if she’s overcoming it well.’

Because this stage was a stepping stone for her.

I merely watched from afar.

Trapped within this cozy nightmare.

“So! What happened was, I told Nurse-unnie…”

“I see. You’re brave, my little sister.”

For a moment.

I decided to spend time.