Epilogue (2)

Sometimes I wondered if all of this was just a dream.

After all, the place where I am is none other than a world based on a game.

Of course, there are no merits like status windows, and unlike the game where I was a commander, in reality where I could only manage to be a low-ranking soldier, changing the future was something I couldn’t even dream of.

Just letting things be as they may, the world moved towards the normal ending, and even before I could read that flow, I had given up on doing anything as I wished in this world.

Even with memories of my previous life, I couldn’t achieve what I wanted.

No matter how much I had an adult’s mind, in the end I could only do an adult’s share. Even if I received recognition from people around me, looking at the whole picture, it was just a very minor growth.

On the battlefield, eight out of ten would die, and one out of two people I saved would go back to the battlefield and lose their life.

Whether the remaining one lived a proper life or suffered from PTSD for life, who knows…

It wasn’t once or twice that I thought such powerlessness-adding memories might be worse than not having them at all.

No, rather the opposite…

Because of those memories of my previous life, I might have thrown away even the half-happiness that I could have grasped just by staying quiet.

“Is work going well?”

“It’s none of your business.”

I wished I had a family that would love me.

Having kind parents, and neighbors who respond well to such people…

I had a wish that everything my previous self couldn’t achieve would be fully prepared for this new beginning.

“Our daughter is too much~ She won’t even let mom be curious about how she’s doing.”

“Hah, are you trying to play mom now?”

But how could I expect life to go as I wanted when I wasn’t free from birth?

Of all things, I was born under a man who couldn’t abandon people, and the one who came to take care of me in his place was someone who had become unable to love people.

Even such a person might have had deep affection for their child, but well.

Can that truly be considered love directed at a person?

“If someone heard, they’d think I’ve been hating our daughter all this time.”

“Do you think a mother’s job is done just by not hating? Did you do housework when you were at home or properly manage the servants? I might understand if you had done your job as a lord properly, but you even left that to your relatives and openly allowed tax embezzlement.”

“Ah, um, that’s…”

“I understand that you only have talent for wielding a sword, but when I see you claiming it’s training while slamming a 7-year-old child onto the sandy training ground dozens of times a day…”

“Th-that’s something you were somewhat actively involved in too, Seine? Rather, you always asked to play with mom even when it wasn’t training time.”

“It wasn’t asking to play, I wanted to cut off your head, you bitch.”

To her, I was probably just a byproduct of love.

Proof of the love she formed, an expression for him.

If I had deviated even a little from that fate, I would surely have fallen to become one of the common people she sees as trash.

If I were a child who knew nothing, I might have grown up mindlessly receiving such love, but to me with memories of my previous life, the true nature of such affection felt nothing but disgusting.

“…Sigh. I wonder who our daughter takes after, to be so dishonest like this.”

“I take after dad, not you.”

Perhaps that’s why my obsession with the person who left became stronger.

“Hmm, does our daughter think she takes after her dad?”

“I take after dad in everything except hair color.”

“Hmm… That’s certainly true. He was also not honest.”

“Haha, someone might think I’m being picky because I like you.”

Because I couldn’t have it, I burned my emotions even more passionately.

Despite my memories from my previous life, I thought my love for him was sincere, just as my hatred for this woman was clear.

Even though the trigger was rebellion, I still think it’s sincere now.

“And are you in a position to talk about being honest in the first place?”

“…What do you mean?”

“You, every time you called me you only thought about beating me with a sword, you’ve never properly talked about yourself even once.”

Ironically, I only properly learned about that person’s circumstances after the war was all over.

To endure in that horrific place, I had to cultivate hatred towards someone.

As the target, most people chose the enemy they had never met, and I chose this person who was said to be able to end the war alone.

Sharpening that emotion even more than when I was in the family.

“…Do you want to hear it?”

Nevertheless, the reason I belatedly tried to understand the circumstances was because I thought such hatred was unnecessary in times of peace.

I thought that if I had a reason to understand this person, I might be able to focus on living the rest of my life while calming such emotions.

“Don’t talk if you don’t want to.”

Yes, it’s just that I don’t want to be obsessed with this person alone.

As I only looked into it to that extent, even if I knew the circumstances, my evaluation of this person didn’t change.

No matter how miserable the story is, what does that matter?

If everything should be forgiven because she’s the tragic heroine, then the criminals I’ve half-killed so far should rightly be released from prison too.

It’s the same whether you committed it or kept quiet and turned a blind eye.

It’s just a difference in degree, either way there was no difference in being messed up as a human being.

“Thank you for your consideration. Our daughter.”

“What consideration. I’m saying if you’re going to keep your mouth shut, don’t be upset if I can’t understand you in the future.”

So I dislike this person.

Without understanding anyone, and without being understood by anyone.

Just living immersed in her own world, I will never truly like this person no matter how much time passes.

“…If that’s the retribution I have to receive, I should accept it gladly.”

The unexpected thing is that an awareness of her own situation was vaguely revealed at this moment.

At that unexpected response, I turned to look at her, and I could see her gaze looking up at the stone monument gradually becoming soaked with sympathy.

“Yes, I understand Seine reacting like that. Mom probably can’t love this world unlike Sion or Seine.”

Is it for the commemoration towards the gravestone without a name engraved?

No, that’s not it. There’s no way this person could feel such a thing.

Even if someone among the people passing by on the street died, this person wouldn’t bat an eye.

No matter who dies or how much blood flows to protect a city like this, the Celia Bertayu I know would think it doesn’t matter at all.

“Unlike my two children, I can’t sincerely protect what I can’t sincerely care for.”

The current sympathy was towards herself.

At least she has some awareness that she is a thoroughly twisted human being.

Regret stemming from the sense of alienation of not being able to walk the same path as the people she loves.

“Still…”

But such emotions were revealed only for a very brief moment.

Soon, as she took her gaze away from the stone monument, a clear smile began to form on her lips.

“I don’t think what I did in this city was meaningless.”

Clearly revealing her emotions towards me, not herself or this street.

“Well, our daughter’s face looking around this street is very nice to see.”

A detestable mother who consistently whispers love towards me no matter what I say.

But does she know?

That the more clearly she expresses such emotions, the more this chest starts to throb.

“Yes, it’s a very nice city to look at. It would be perfect if only you weren’t here.”

So let’s end this without looking anymore.

From this moment on, there will be no more entanglement with this person.

“I know too. That I have no right to say such things.”

A low voice heard from behind just as I was about to turn my back.

Is it because she understands this is the last time?

Or is there some lingering attachment?

“But to this incompetent mother, just one… Can you answer just one last thing?”

Although there’s no obligation to listen, still.

If this is the last, hearing what she has to say might prevent future troubles.

“…Seine.”

As I stood there with my mouth firmly shut, she soon asked her question, taking that as affirmation.

“What do you think is more important between defeating mom and protecting your disciples?”

“…”

Very slightly.

No, for a time so short that the expression ‘instant’ would be more fitting.

During that time, I felt my breath stop, and I quietly turned my head that had been stiffly fixed towards her.

Despite asking the question, she couldn’t face me and was bowing her head desolately.

It’s a very contrasting appearance compared to how she always stood proudly no matter what was said.

I thought she was someone who would never bend and maintain the same attitude consistently.

“…You call that a question?”

But seeing that I didn’t dwell long on the consideration, it seems I’ve succeeded in fading my hatred for this person more than I thought.

Yes, it doesn’t matter anymore at this point.

If I find something more important.

Things that don’t interfere with me right now tend to become trivial rather than hateful.

“Hmm, right? Mom asked something a bit obvious.”

Yes, at least this person doesn’t interfere with my journey.

As long as she doesn’t interfere with those children’s future, I won’t actively go after her either.

“If you understand, let’s go our separate ways now. Both you and I have a lot to do.”

So with this.

This is really the last time.

Realizing that point, as I turned my back again and moved towards the street.

“Seine.”

As if seeing off my footsteps that no longer stop, her voice began to be heard through the crowd.

“I hope that everything you love will be eternal.”

Whispering love despite not knowing love.

One who respects even the love of the person they love.

“I love you, Seine.”

Celia Bertayu.

With that whisper, she disappeared from this city.

The moment a person who doesn’t matter anymore disappeared.

Until returning to the academy after that, I felt another emotion welling up in a corner of my emptied heart.

The emotion commonly called emptiness that remained in the place where hatred had disappeared.

“…I wonder how dad is doing.”

Sion Bertayu.

My father, the person who led me to the path of medicine, and the person I loved.

But as it’s been over 10 years since I last met him, I couldn’t even distinguish whether my feelings towards him were just nostalgic bias or real.

Hasn’t enough time passed for even hatred to change?

Although it might have been sincere at one time, even that passionate emotion might have cooled off.

To know that, I should keep in mind the time to face him directly, just like that person.

To shake off everything unnecessary for living from now on.

“Maybe I’ll go down to my hometown when I take a vacation later.”

Hoping that whatever direction I go, there will be no regrets in my life.

-Crash!!!

A familiar noise heard while returning to work with such hopes.

I stopped in my tracks and burst into laughter seeing the fragments of the infirmary window fallen on the corridor floor.

“Those kids caused trouble again.”

Who is it this time?

Did Dale wake up screaming? Or did Latello get pissed off and break everything while trying to catch a mosquito when Dale went to the bathroom?

Maybe Beans exerted her competitive spirit too much and acted emotionally, but whatever it is, it’s certain that Maki provided the trigger.

As such a picture clearly formed in my mind, a smile unknowingly formed on my lips.

“Well, they should cause a lot of trouble now so they’ll know to be ashamed when they become adults.”

If such rash and ignorant appearances are proof that this school is that peaceful, I can forgive breaking windows as much as they want.

As long as those children don’t leave my side, it can be said that my mission is to stay with them so they can grow into proper adults.

“Children, are you hurt anywhere?”

So today too, I decided to spend time being faithful to my duty at my workplace to take care of the injured children.

Hoping those children can enjoy the flower-like youth that I couldn’t have.

Wishing for blessings in this cruel yet beautiful world.

[The Academy’s Health Teacher Wants to Rest – The End -]