Therefore, I Deny The World, And I Affirm The World.

I do not affirm the afterlife.

Ironically, it started from skepticism about life.

“When people die, they become nothing, so is there really a need to live earnestly…?”

For such reasons.

“Such thoughts might end up being just a temporary concern, but when you’re pushed around in life, they occasionally surface. Why am I living, if I’m just going to turn to dust and disappear anyway, is there really any meaning in living?”

Because reality is sordid and suffocating.

When there’s not even room to breathe, one ends up finding hope in the very fact that there’s nothing at the vague end of the future.

“And even now, there are probably many people struggling with the same worries as us. It’s not strange at all to think that way.”

Yes, haven’t many people lived with such nihilism until now?

The philosopher who clearly spread such ideas when the uselessness of religion was circulating around the 18th century did so, the author who dealt with the desperate struggle between an old man and a whale did so, and the novelist I like did so.

Thinking of that person makes me curious about their new work.

I wonder if “The Bird Drinking Poison” has been released by now?

“Still, in the end, all of them found their own answers and lived on.”

Thinking that this too is a story from my previous life, I chuckled, and I felt the arms around my waist slowly loosening.

As if she felt something watching me deflect her concerns.

“You too…”

Yet, is there still some lingering attachment?

The tips of her fingers holding my clothes were still exerting a faint force.

“Are you, Seine-san, also living while finding that answer?”

Well, she’s trying to understand my words somehow.

As the Saint of the order, in order to embrace many things, she has learned more than ordinary people.

But no matter how mature she may be, isn’t she still a girl who can’t be considered an adult yet?

There are concepts in the world that only resonate with experience. It’s impossible for her worries to be resolved with just a few words now.

“Sephin-san, let me tell you one thing as a doctor.”

But she’s alive now.

For the current her, there exists time to learn what she doesn’t know.

“The human body is, surprisingly, moved by the gathering of incredibly tiny beings.”

And I pride myself on being a teacher.

What I should do at this moment is to awaken her ignorance as much as I can within my knowledge.

“By parts, do you mean organs?”

“Even smaller than that.”

“Smaller…?”

“It’s a concept so small that we can’t see it with our eyes.”

She looked at me blankly, as if puzzled.

Her face looked as if she had encountered something unexpected, but there was no lie in what I was saying.

“If we compare those parts to this continent we live on, they would be as small as a single person living on it. Such beings are born and disappear countless times in our bodies.”

Cells.

Along with organs, which are the parts that make up humans, they are a concept far smaller than the muscles that cover the exterior or the skeletal support.

What is made up of countless gatherings of these, scholars finally define as living organisms.

“Just the components that make up the blood flowing in our bodies are made and die repeatedly over 120 days. The parts that make up muscles and bones also completely change from their original state after a few months to years.”

“Is that… true?”

“We’re just not aware of it, but it’s all happening. It’s just changing so discreetly that we don’t know about it.”

Yes, even at this moment as we’re having this conversation.

The components that make up our bodies are naturally being born and dying repeatedly.

Fat, blood, bones, muscles.

And even the nerve cells that make up the brain.

“And the same goes for what we believe to be the substance of our souls.”

To be precise, brain cells don’t go through a process of reconstruction after being produced to a certain level, but because of that, as time passes, only destruction is repeated, leading to the act of forgetting.

As this repeats and repeats, at some point even the humanity that has been built up all along is destroyed.

“Yes, in the end, everything that exists is changing.”

If that is truly what we call mind and soul.

We could say that in the process of moving towards death, we are living a life where our souls are gradually being destroyed.

“As we change like that, at some point we can see ourselves completely different from what we were before. In fact, it’s not wrong to say that the components making up our bodies when we’re young and when we’re old are entirely different.”

Such a proposition ironically aligns with the metaphysical proposition known as the Ship of Theseus.

If we replace the old planks of a worn-out ship, eventually changing all the planks to new ones…

Can we say that what is created in the end is the same ship as the original?

“If even a person’s body slowly changes one by one like that… Would an old person be aware that they’ve become different from their younger self?”

“That’s…”

“They wouldn’t. Because they changed without being aware of it.”

Yes, regardless of the result.

Everyone observing the process until its completion will consider that ship to be the same entity.

And the world is a continuous present tense without results.

We, who are eternally constructing the ship, will not be aware that the world we live in is changing.

Even if we become aware, it won’t be immediately but in the distant future.

It will be when we look back on the path we’ve traveled after going through a hectic life.

“Yes, in the end, everything that exists changes at any time. People’s bodies, and even the values we consider to be correct.”

As I was talking about such things without pause, I suddenly realized we had arrived at a familiar hilly area.

“And, the world we live in too.”

“The world, too?”

“We’re almost there.”

As we reached the top of the hill, I signaled to stop by flicking the reins of the creature carrying me.

Standing still like that.

“Well, we’ve arrived, Saint. This is Maris Academy.”

While turning the horse’s body sideways, I shared the view ahead with the one sitting behind me.

What unfolded below was the academy…

It was a vast city stretching to the horizon, centered around it.

Walls distinguishing buildings that embrace mountains and fields.

Countless buildings outside of it are surrounded by city walls, emitting light from various places as if welcoming those who set foot here.

The massive towers and grand architectural structures visible in between have different styles without consistency.

The city, so large and vast that even those appear as mere fragments, could be described as a miniature of the continent itself.

“Is this… Maris?”

The Saint just stared at such a scene.

As if she hadn’t known it was such a place when she only heard about it, she just held her breath and blankly observed the scene.

“Originally, it wasn’t such a large place. I’ve only heard stories too, but it’s said that it started as just a small school.”

In fact, in the beginning, it was just a single school located in the center there.

Nevertheless, the reason this place grew in scale is one: the things left behind by people who settled here or passed through remain intact.

Here, one doesn’t have to worry about war.

Regardless of one’s faction or past, in this place designated as extraterritorial, everyone can enjoy equality transcending borders and cultures.

“It was the will of people wanting to maintain this place, and because there were many who wished for an era of peace, that this place could prosper like this.”

“…”

The Saint still stared intently at the city.

No, should I call her a young girl at this moment?

“…Seine-san.”

I spoke while looking down at the cityscape alongside the girl.

“You worried that if the afterlife doesn’t exist, it might be desecrating those who sacrificed themselves affirming its existence. But even so, people were able to give their all for what they wanted to protect. Those who sacrificed themselves in that way have protected what they wanted to protect, and succeeded in leaving something in this world regardless of whether the afterlife exists or not.”

Even now that the era of peace has finally arrived, I’ve thought about this repeatedly.

No matter how beautifully it’s wrapped, the foundation of this world is cruel.

The law of the survival of the fittest that began from the ecosystem shows its echoes and fragments even in the safety cage called society, and that’s why conflicts never cease in this world.

If the Haide order hadn’t given them hope in such a situation.

If it hadn’t given rest to those deaths, and by emphasizing death, highlighted the importance of life, this world might have been stained even more uglily.

In the end, if you think everything is meaningless, even that life becomes meaningless.

Because no one would try to leave anything in this world.

“Do you… think the efforts of those who passed through this city were meaningless?”

Something exists even after death.

“Do you think even the sacrifice of bequeathing this city to future generations was meaningless?”

Believing that in itself.

For those who have lost the will to live, it gives hope to live on.

“…No.”

And she is a devout believer.

She, who has a more altruistic nature than anyone, must have realized just by seeing this city.

Even if we don’t know whether the afterlife exists or not, the deaths of those who believed in it and sacrificed themselves were never meaningless.

That the means to soothe the emptiness felt while empathizing with the doubts of the one she serves is not only to uncover that truth through her own death.

“Sephin-san.”

Of course, now what she feels…

Furthermore, as the god of the afterlife who has understood death over thousands of years has resigned himself to:

“As you worry, someone might say that this moment we’re living in is an era where gods are dying.”

Now, a society that doesn’t depend on gods might arrive.

As Haide has consistently been aware of and wished for.

Because that direction was realized even in the world I originally lived in, I had a vague idea of what outcome such changes would meet.

But someone who lived through that time said this:

‘God is dead. We have killed him.’

‘Then how shall we, the murderers of all murderers, comfort ourselves?’

Is emptiness all that remains in a place where the existence of gods is denied, and the world established by their existence has disappeared?

No, the world still moves.

What exists in the place where there are no gods are fellow humans, and even if only emptiness remains at the end of life, there are clearly things that remain.

“Nevertheless, you have just joined a place that has emerged as a symbol of peace in such an era.”

So people must always think.

Even if the end is empty, there are things left in the process.

Everyone leaves something in this world like that, which is why this world can become so beautiful and magnificent.

“And I too.”

That’s why I deny the afterlife.

That’s why I affirm that this world exists.

“I was just a little earlier than you, but I too have just joined the group that will lead this era.”

And that’s why.

With this life that will someday disappear, I long for my existence to remain in this world.

“The start might be for my personal goals, but I intend to humbly accept the ideology this region exudes for that purpose as well.”

That was an aspiration that could only grow stronger because I knew I was a stranger exceptional to this world.

Because I knew that once I left, I would never be able to return to this world again.

“Are you prepared for that, facing this city?”

That’s why I hope this chance encounter I’ve faced at the end of this life will lead to a lasting connection.

Although she set foot in this world later than me.

I hope this young girl, who has more possibility to see more of the future than I do, will accept that ideology.

“…I’m not sure.”

Even before me who wishes for that, the empty girl still doesn’t take her eyes off the city.

I couldn’t tell how her heart had changed through our conversation, but I thought that was enough for now.

“But if you hadn’t saved me today… I wouldn’t have known that such things existed here, would I?”

Even if it hasn’t sunk in yet.

That too is just a matter of learning over time.

“You’ll be able to learn much more in the future. This is a place for learning, after all.”

With those feelings, I gripped the reins, and the horse carrying me and her began to move across the hill towards the city.

The sound of hooves echoing powerfully.

But what I felt more clearly was the heartbeat of the girl embracing my back.

Thump, thump.

That too might be an illusion, but nevertheless, I moved forward nonchalantly.

Her warmth, which had been cold all along.

Because it seemed to have become a little warmer at this moment.