Flame Trauma

I explained in detail to Rebecca about Duey’s discourse on the ‘blue flame’. After hearing my description of Duey, Rebecca Katerfeld quietly closed her eyes and asked:

“It seems you don’t like her very much.”

“Don’t like her? Well, you could say that, but…”

“More precisely, it seems you feel ideological aversion to her.”

I hadn’t spoken in detail about how I felt about Duey’s ideology. But Katerfeld seemed to have read my thoughts from the tone contained in my words.

“Hmm.”

“You’re a rational person, Shin Eun-young. At least, I think your position is the most rational one for living in this world. You just conform. Without trying to empathize. If everyone did that, the suffering this world has to endure would be less than it is now.”

“I can’t understand the mindset of devoting oneself to a country to the point of desiring war.”

I said with a sigh.

“When war breaks out, there are no people. From the rear, they’re statistics, from the front lines, they’re beasts. And when they die, they become just meat or ashes. Is there a value worth pursuing to the point where humans willingly give up being human?”

“Being human has become too difficult.”

The detective said.

“Break the law and you become less than human, kill your family and you become less than human, do lewd and cruel things and you become less than human, and countless other things make you not human. Thanks to that, it’s true that if you choose to be at least human, you’re guaranteed many rights, but there are also people who feel tired of such things. They’re tired of living as people.”

“Wouldn’t that cause harm to others?”

“That’s right. I don’t really like that attitude. After all, we’ve enjoyed this much thanks to being treated as people, but now that we’ve enjoyed everything we could, we want to give up being people and become something else. Isn’t that a bit shameless? But I suppose you’d need that level of shamelessness to give up being human.”

The conversation strayed for a moment. I returned to the main point and asked Katerfeld:

“So, do you think Duey’s words are just bluster, or is it another proposal I should seriously consider?”

“You should consider it. All superpowers are psychic powers. Her words have a basis.”

“All superpowers are psychic powers…”

“Didn’t I tell you it’s the same in your case too? Your mind is armored to a rare degree. I don’t know if it’s thanks to your innate awakened ability, or if you were trained that way. Without Zhou Lizhi’s level of sharpness, there’s not even a gap to penetrate. The same goes for Catherine Duey. She’s a natural flame sorcerer, but whether it’s natural abilities or other abilities, they’re all based on human mental power all the same.”

“So, her claim of reading inner flames is plausible?”

“Rather than plausible, I’d say it’s natural. It would be strange if it weren’t so.”

“Is this a field that’s been sufficiently researched?”

“It’s my independent research, so I can’t give a definitive answer. To begin with, it’s a field that’s difficult to even research unless you’re an awakened one with especially strong psychic power like me. But you know my ability. You can trust my words.”

There are more things I can’t trust about you than things I can trust, though. Anyway, I just nodded and agreed with her words. Katerfeld, perhaps noticing that I was still dubious about her, raised her eyebrows and said:

“More than that, even if you’re ideologically twisted, you like Lieutenant Duey’s face, don’t you?”

“Is that mind reading too?”

“It’s just that she’s objectively a pretty woman. Someone like you wouldn’t be picky about that.”

“Yes, well, I admit it. She’s a pretty woman. I have no aversion to her as a simple one-night stand partner. But what I’m worried about is… I’m afraid of being emotionally devoured. You said I feel ideological aversion to her, but I don’t think it’s limited to just that. Something, something beyond that…”

“An instinctive fear of fire.”

“Hmm.”

I cleared my throat slightly, showing my discomfort. Katerfeld, regardless of my attitude, spoke her thoughts:

“The biggest trauma that dominates you is trauma related to flames. Isn’t that right?”

“It’s not to the extent that I tremble or fear every time I see fire. Headquarters understood that I have flame trauma, so they trained me to overcome it. Now I’m immune enough to rush into a fire scene and rescue people.”

“But you can’t overcome approaching the essence of fire.”

“Fire is fire, what’s the essence of fire?”

“The human called Duey.”

“Are you saying she’s Loki or Hestia or something? It’s funny to call a person the essence of something, it’s like deifying humans.”

“There are countless things that express flames better than flames themselves, not just Duey. The spreading crowd psychology, the world situation heading towards war, the warming global atmosphere, the passionate changes in romantic relationships, and even families heading towards destruction. Big things, small things, can all represent flames. Rather, I believe you’re vulnerable to that.”

“…”

“That concept of intense emotion. Immersion and absorption. The liberation from restraints by being honest with one’s own heart. Your trauma about fire has been replaced in that way. That French person who tries to enjoy both the restraint and freedom of flames simultaneously is your natural enemy. Being emotionally devoured. It can happen. It can be like that. As you yourself are already feeling.”

“What should I do?”

“Whether you get devoured by her or not, I only care about achieving my goal. Of course, I hope you mix bodies with Duey and hear something from her.”

“…”

“I won’t interfere with what choices you make beyond that. Just, from my position, I need any information that could be a clue right now, and there’s still a possibility that Duey actually saw through something inside Chen Yayuan and took note of it. Whether it’s something significant or not, we don’t know yet.”

“I asked Briar Churchill for her assessment of Duey. Last night.”

“Interesting. What did she say?”

“She said Catherine Duey will have to choose a path someday. Between what the world thinks is right, and what she believes is wise. Perhaps the former is keeping the moral code as a human, and the latter is covering the world with the flames of nationalism she blindly believes in. Which path do you think she’ll choose?”

“There are no awakened ones who can deny their innate instincts. Awakening is, after all, maximizing one’s nature and growing it to an uncontrollable size. But that doesn’t necessarily mean it will lead to bad results. Don’t conclude that.”

“What exactly does that…”

“If Catherine Duey had been born in our country, I would have used the power of the intelligence agency to kill her. But fortunately, France is still precariously a colonial empire, a permanent member of the League of Nations, and a victor of the Great War. While the audacity of the defeated ruins things, there are moments when those drunk on victory need a symbol to boost their courage. When the motherland is in danger, there might come a day when the Republic needs her.”

“Do you understand the meaning of your own words? If the day comes when France needs Duey, the country standing between Russia and France will be trampled one way or another.”

“I know.”

Katerfeld said, as if resigned.

“There’s not much time left until the second Great War breaks out. It’s a miserable story, but our country will be trampled one way or another. Rather than our country becoming the perpetrator of war like in the last Great War, isn’t it better to become an innocent victim that’s trampled? It’s a cruel story in a way.”

I couldn’t respond to her words. Katerfeld, perhaps thinking there was nothing more to discuss with me, stood up and walked out of the library building.

I had to reach a conclusion. Whether to accept the Lieutenant’s proposal or reject it.

I took out a blank piece of paper from my pocket and uncapped my pen. In that state, quietly, very quietly, I kept staring at the blank paper.

When I turned my head, there was an audiovisual room next to me. Certainly. If even the library tables are this quiet, it seemed unlikely that anyone would notice if something happened in the audiovisual room. It would be the same even on weekends…

I took out a thick French dictionary from the library shelf and flipped through the pages for a while. After finding all the words I wanted, I closed the book and scribbled the contents of the note I would pass to Duey in French on the blank note.

‘Saturday, 3 PM, Library 2 Audiovisual Room.’

If necessary, I was prepared to do everything that needed to be done.