Still (5)

The hotel room was a double.

Before checking into the hotel, I was nervous thinking there might be someone who would recognize me, but even though it was the metropolitan area, there weren’t many people in an ordinary hotel.

Thinking about it again, it was fortunate. I sighed in small relief as I faced Erica coming out of the bathroom after washing.

“Being able to observe you just after you’ve washed is my privilege too.”

Erica in casual clothes slightly blushed and glanced at me. I felt like teasing her more, but the fatigue accumulated over the day didn’t seem to allow even that.

It was the same for her too.

Seeing her yawn slightly, I urged her to sleep.

“…You won’t do anything weird while I’m asleep, right? Really, what was that earlier?”

“I was jealous seeing you on the phone and couldn’t hold back.”

“Sheesh.”

She sighed as if drained and sluggishly got into bed.

The way she lifted the blanket and pulled it over her upper body without any particular sign made me think anew that she really seemed to be comfortable with me.

I made an excuse about taking a walk and left the room.

It was late evening before midnight. The night breeze was cool and the streets were quiet. Since the hotel was also located in Seodaemun-gu, it was within walking distance to the Association headquarters.

As I was walking for a while, a crack appeared in the air right in front and tore open.

It was Bloody, who had returned after three days of declaring he would shut himself in subspace, saying he had used too much power in the human world.

[Will you be alright?]

“Of course.”

I nodded vaguely to Bloody, who seemed to have guessed my destination.

I was supposed to drink with Erica, right? There probably won’t be any intact item shops in the Seoul area. That’s why I came to the Association headquarters. They should have a few cans of beer at least.

Before ending my life, I want to spend such a time with Erica at least once. Won’t her disheveled appearance be cute?

Moreover, I heard that Erica would be staying at the Association for a day.

Was it new recruit training? At that time, I too…

As I organized my thoughts, I found myself at the Association headquarters. Judging by the lights on in some windows, it seemed there were still employees inside.

Since it’s the headquarters, they might have the capacity for stronger resistance.

The top floor, is it about 10 stories? Lower than the Gyeonggi branch. It seemed that half of the building was left abandoned without restoration due to various terrorist attacks.

I boldly opened the main entrance and went in. It’s the white-walled corridor I’ve seen so sickeningly often. After walking a bit, in the wide space that followed, I spread my arms to those who turned pale upon seeing me and pointed their guns.

Before I could say anything, my body convulsed several times and spat blood. Thanks to that, I grabbed the blood scattered in the air and combined it into a long chain, which I swung widely.

While hearing screams, I thought. Let’s not kill them. Erica will get angry again if I do. That’s scary. Being hated is even scarier.

Even though I pierced their bodies several times with the chain, their resistance was still strong. Whether they had inscribed overpowered stats on their firearms or not, this pitiful body was smashed against the wall dozens of times by bullets.

It hurts. It hurts so much I could die. I wonder if it would be better to just die. Come to think of it, Erica used to say she wanted me to smile when I was feeling bad. Should I smile?

Because then she might bestow more love on me.

“Hehe.”

I crawled on the ground, grinning, with a body that wouldn’t move well. It’s not particularly a sight to behold. A huge hammer started pressing down on my body.

It hurts. Was it originally this painful? Until recently, I had a body accustomed to pain… But it seems I’ve forgotten the sensation of pain after being cared for by Erica and living without incident lately.

While groaning in pain, I roughly stretched out my hand. Thorns extended from the scattered blood drops and filled the interior. The resulting increase in screams and smell of blood wasn’t particularly pleasant.

Seeing me like this, they’d probably curse me as a crazy bitch. Erica shouldn’t do that. Then I won’t be able to receive her lovely smile and care anymore in the future. That’s sad.

Dragging my blood-soaked body, I got into the elevator as if throwing myself in. After hitting my head against the wall a few times, my brain seemed to come back to life. Then I exhaled while looking at the ceiling.

My body feels burning hot, and it hurts. I’ve become much weaker. It seems even my mind becomes more fragile the more care I receive. I long for a cozier embrace and more…

But in the end, even vampires follow their homing instinct. I have no choice but to return to the daily life where bones and flesh are crushed. Because that’s the natural sequence.

A mind about to break, a body jumping up. I’ll be despised again after all. She probably won’t like this appearance much. In the past, you laughed at me saying I looked good like this. I wonder how it would be now, thinking about it again, I might get slapped for a different reason.

Saying I didn’t take care of my body.

It’s scary. My love for you, who has realized such behavior, was that scary. At this point, I wouldn’t mind even if you gaslight me. I should rather be thankful. Bowing my head repeatedly, clinging to your legs…

Ding dong.

With the sound I didn’t want to hear, the elevator doors opened. In front, there were quite a few hunters in uniform holding guns. It seems they’ve gathered personnel that wasn’t there before. So I just smiled slightly at their area.

My body being crushed again was an expected result. It was a natural sequence to experience a wretched life. All of it – my skin being penetrated by lead, my body being torn and crumbled repeatedly.

It can’t be helped, can it? Even if I shout now that you make me smile, reality won’t change in an instant. Because in the end, I’ll have to try to be hated by you. Paradoxically, contrary to my heart.

I gathered the blood in the elevator once more. I combined it into a huge sword. Erica’s sword was so straight, but mine isn’t. It’s just a dirty product.

As the sound of gunfire ceased, I moved my arm. My face naturally scrunched up in pain. With the sensation of skin tearing, the blade swung widely.

They all fell back from the shockwave, and I forced a smile. Seeing some hunters gritting their teeth and standing up, I thought they were amazing.

I stretched my arm towards them once more and clenched my fist tightly. The blood-soaked uniforms turned even redder, and the hunters convulsed and were flung away as a group. I said I’d control the explosion stat, but I wonder if it’s fatal.

Finally, as if cleaning up the area, I scattered blood drops. The air current shook and invisible waves blew away everything that resisted.

Only the area near a chair facing a desk became clean.

“I did it weakly, so don’t worry too much.”

After saying that, I smiled. Because I saw someone I wanted to meet again at least once. I spoke to the black-haired man who seemed to be crammed under the desk.

“It’s been a while. You’ve changed from 4 years ago. You weren’t standing at the very front like this before.”

“What front line are you talking about after barging into the Association, you crazy bitch.”

“Aren’t those people from the Association’s 4th Hunter Team? Where they are is the front line, well. If I say so, then think of it that way.”

The Association President – Lindergel glared at me with a terribly distorted face.

“It hurts so much. I wonder if it’s right to treat me this harshly. Sob.”

As my body felt like it was about to burst, I caught my breath for a moment, and it felt like my consciousness was fading for an instant. It was fortunate after all. Really, that I left Erica behind. If she had seen this appearance, she probably wouldn’t have just let it go.

I grabbed Lindergel’s nape and dragged him, throwing him onto the chair visible in front. Hearing choking sounds, I laid my sticky body on the opposite chair.

“Haa…”

“What. Fuck. Why, why did you come. As if, ha. I’m not dying already.”

“I came to commemorate visiting Seoul.”

In fact, I just did it to experience my own position once more.

“Not a word, no contact came from the branch. Ha, fuck. What, what is this. Fucking.”

As expected?

It seems the Director didn’t convey to the headquarters or the Association President that I was involved in Erica’s business trip to Seoul. Well, that makes sense too. It seems they’re quite wary of me. There’s also the fact that I’m cooperative thanks to Erica.

It seems they’ve tacitly kept it secret.

“I guess so. I should have checked your movement range. Ugh. How strange, you didn’t even come near Seoul, for 2 years, no, for over 2 years you were planning to clean up the wanted list.”

“I didn’t particularly intend to make you let your guard down. I was busy. Well… in many ways.”

“Gyeonggi, what did you do to the Gyeonggi area? How strange that I couldn’t contact the Director, you…!”

Finding it hard to breathe, Lindergel coughed and then glared at me again.

“Don’t worry. I didn’t touch them. It’s already a boast that I joined the branch. I’ve been living obediently, listening to what they say.”

He was still swearing, finding it hard to believe. So I just brought up the main point.

“I didn’t particularly intend to terrorize, but it turned out like this. Well, can’t be helped. I’ll just tell you why I came here and go. Please give me 2 cans of beer, no, 4 cans.”

After saying that, I felt my mind settle down for a moment. My head felt refreshed, it seemed like endorphins were being secreted due to the pain.

Following my gaze, I saw a small refrigerator. Saying “excuse me,” I took 4 cans of beer and a snack that looked like squid.

“There’s alcohol wherever you go, huh.”

“Why, why did you stay quiet during that period?”

Since he asked, I answered.

“Because I felt like I might know something.”

“What?”

Is this pointless small talk? It didn’t match his tendency to always bring up only the main point and his own interests.

“Things like the taste of coffee, the warmth of a loved one. Or the feeling you get when you wake up in the morning.”

I brought up something indescribable. The things I said were specific, but what I wanted to say was abstract.

“So I endured. To know what I want.”

After saying it, I saw the Association President just staring at me. After a moment of silence, something passed through the edge of my vision.

So I quickly stepped back. My chest was torn open and blood gushed out. The accumulated pain in my body acted as a detonator, making me scream continuously.

“You even, recruited, assassin, types, I see.”

My vision turned red. When I touched the ground, blood dominated the area and spread widely. The blood that had permeated even the walls protruded thorns from one point. At that moment, a scream rose and a woman in uniform fell helplessly to the floor.

“Please stop. It’s hard to control not to kill. I see you’re deliberately overworking the hunters knowing that I’m doing this on purpose…”

My groan mixed into the end of the sentence I couldn’t finish. My body staggered. I felt like I was going to lose my mind.

It’s not because my magical power is weak. It’s not because I lack strength.

Just thinking – do I have to repeat this kind of thing until the end of my life –

When I was unconsciously self-deprecating.

At the edge of my vision, in the open office.

There was Erica, frozen in place, having clearly seen me like this.