Impulse and Correction (4)

Resistance.

Resistance, she says.

Not opposition.

While I was grimacing at the blade that had torn through my body, it was only after that that I heard the emotional voice.

“I’m asking you right now. Listen to me. Don’t think about doing anything.”

“That tone isn’t nice. Can’t you treat me gently like usual?”

“I’ll decide based on what you do.”

I nodded at the reversed power dynamic.

“What was our topic again?”

“About the illness you have.”

“But instead of saying ‘you’, if you could call me by my name… Alright.”

I held back my words to her, who was now touching my hair strand by strand, perhaps meaning she would handle my body without resistance.

“There’s no need to worry.”

And that’s how I started.

“Just think of it as something like a cold. It was just a temporary pain. More than that, I didn’t know you’d been concerned about it all this time.”

“How could I not be concerned when you were in so much pain?”

“I see. But really, it’s fine. Compared to the current situation, it’s just a thread-like degree.”

I smiled slightly and tapped the sword hilt stuck in my chest with my arm.

Our gazes met, and I slightly avoided it.

“Liar.”

“It’s not a lie.”

“Then look me straight in the eye.”

So I met her eyes. It was then that I hurriedly opened my mouth.

“Please believe me a little. Lying is something only children do. Look at me usually. I only tell you the truth in front of you, right?”

When I slightly leaned my cheek on the back of Erica’s hand, she coldly removed her hand.

And silence fell.

“No, no… Seeing how you always say suspicious things…”

“How am I usually? I only say clean things. Like how you’re too pretty, or how lovely you are.”

“Shut your mouth.”

Erica ran a hand down her face and glanced at me.

“Your face has turned red. That’s cute too.”

“If you open your mouth one more time, I’ll take out the sword.”

So I held back my words.

“…Seems like I’ve got you all figured out, really.”

[Aureli.]

When I heard the voice, I looked down. Bloody flapped its small wings.

[Did you take your medicine for today?]

I shook my head.

[I’ll say it again, it’s your body, isn’t it? Take care of it a little. You must know it yourself. Your body now…]

I closed my ears.

“He, hu.”

Is it a body that can’t live without taking medicine?

If a sickly body was the only problem, I would have forced myself to swallow medicine.

Whether it’s an injection filled with red liquid, or a black cube.

But that didn’t solve the fundamental issue.

The broken personality and the mental illness in my head weren’t cured.

It was because of the thought that it might follow me to the end in a life of atonement.

It was a kind of whim.

Mixed with resignation.

“Just give up.”

“What?”

“There’s nothing you want.”

Nowhere.

“You, really…”

When Erica focused on me for a moment, I heard footsteps right next to me. The clerk, holding his head, was staggering over while supporting himself on the broken debris.

“Ow… my head.”

“Are you alright?”

“Ah, yes. Thank you. How was it handled…?”

“Yes. You don’t need to worry.”

The clerk grimaced and then hesitated when he saw the magical beast corpse sprawled beside.

“Ugh… I really can’t get used to this.”

“You showed symptoms of poisoning from the magical beast’s skin earlier, so I just gave you some first aid. When the medical staff arrives, I’ll have you transferred.”

Watching them talk, I grabbed the two swords stuck in my body with one hand and applied force outward. With the sound of skin being crushed, the blades tore through my body.

Pain arose. I lowered my gaze. The blood-stained sword tips were visible.

When I raised my sticky body, the chair had become very dirty. The table was the same. It looked as if something unpleasant had swept through.

I raised my hand to roughly heal the ruptured abdomen and tidied my hair. I adjusted my disheveled clothes and looked out the window to see a few approaching lights.

It was night.

“When will all of this end?”

[You’re doing well enough.]

“Thanks for saying that.”

[…How are you these days?]

“What do you mean?”

I looked around. Behind the two girls talking, I could see the space that had become a mess.

[I mean this daily life. I want to know how it comes to you.]

I spent a lot of time. Thanks to small efforts, I was able to wander outside.

“Well.”

Ah.

My head hurts.

“My body… Ha.”

Stained.

Dirty.

Stimulating.

Sticky.

Now it’s familiar.

I don’t even feel much about it.

Maybe it’s because I did something wrong.

I heard a voice. I rubbed my eyes due to the reddened vision. It’s clear again. Good.

I unconsciously covered my mouth. My body shook. My shoulders were gripped by two hands.

“What is this?”

“A cold.”

A dumbfounded face.

“A cold isn’t like this.”

“It really is a cold. He, hu.”

“Tell me.”

Don’t shake me. I’m dizzy.

“Tell me everything you know.”

“I, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Just tell me everything. Please. Please stop this already!”

The emotional voice rang in my ears.

“Just let it all out here, please. I’m begging you like this, okay?”

“I’m normal.”

I’ve always been, so I will be in the future. So I’m normal. No different.

“How is this normal?”

“Why such a sad face?”

You should smile, at least.

I was embraced in her arms.

“Your embrace is warm.”

My body trembled.

“To the point of wanting to die.”

Slap.

My head turned. My cheek stung. My vision swayed.

I heard rough breathing. I slowly raised my creaking head.

I saw teary eyes.

“If, if you keep doing this, I’ll, I’ll hit you… hit you one more time.”

“Hit me.”

The golden hair swayed.

“Trample me.”

The snow-white eyes shook.

“And at the end of that-“

Slap.

When my vision swayed again.

Thinking, is this your sadness?

“Why, why… why aren’t you submitting like usual?”

“Frustrated?”

I smiled slightly.

“As much as you’re frustrated, will you hit me more?”

A speechless bewilderment returned.

It’s just because the world is dark and it’s night all around. Because there are things that can’t be solved by heart alone.

My life without a cure, and if you come to realize that life.

I wasn’t afraid of unnecessary sympathy and pity. What I was really afraid of was your feeling when faced with an insurmountable wall.

I hoped you wouldn’t be sad even a little. If that was too much of a wish for me, then the pain still lingering on my cheek must be the punishment for it.

And I was glad that it was you who was involved.

“You should hit me wildly until my skin tears and blood flows out. It’ll be killing two birds with one stone since you can relieve your stress too. Think that it’s because I’m bad, because I’m a crazy bitch, because I’m an irregular that normal you can’t accept.”

“No, no. It was going well. Until just now, until we were eating cake, it was going smoothly.”

I hoped she would hate me.

Beyond her, who seemed to have let go of something, the door of the shop opened. When the medical staff entered and discovered us, silence fell once again.

“Welcome. There’s a patient over there. Don’t mind us. It’s just that an everyday occurrence has happened due to my misbehavior.”

Ordinary times in an ordinary relationship.

My nape was grabbed. My breath was slightly cut off, and my body started to be dragged along the floor.

I was thrown onto a long chair as if being tossed.

“So you’re going to handle me roughly in earnest now. It’s all good, but I can’t do anything lewd. You know, I’m a virgin.”

“I’ll do anything for you.”

I blinked at the voice that seemed to be holding back resentment.

“I, I’ll do anything you want, even, you know, weird things. So.”

“I don’t want to.”

She dropped her arms powerlessly.

“You, you said you liked me, didn’t you? You said you loved me, didn’t you? Then why.”

“That’s why I don’t want to.”

The air of not being understood pressed down on my breath.

After a few seconds of silence, when Erica moved her lips, I thought she was really going to use violence now.

“Decide.”

But what came back was none other than a phrase.

“Whether you’ll let go and listen to me, or cut ties with me from now on.”

“What happens if I choose the latter?”

“I, I won’t talk to you, I won’t eat with you. And, and.”

The sight of her trying to squeeze out any negotiation material was another cuteness.

“Why are you smiling?”

“Because you’re cute.”

Silence fell.

A trembling hand approached. I gently closed my eyes. I expected pain, but what was conveyed was warmth. The feeling of my hair being stroked and my cheeks being patted a few times.

I was experiencing kindness and desperation at the same time.

“Please listen.”

“Huh?”

It was a severely cracked voice.

“Please just obediently listen to me.”

Whether it was an effort to regain daily life in the suddenly changed situation, the touch handling me was still gentle.

“The skinship you liked so much, the poor-quality jokes, I’ll embrace it all for you. So you…”

“That can’t be.”

I gestured around with my eyes. The medical staff seemed to be glancing at us.

“Even without that, the staff are already at the point of being anxious about going to work at the Association because of me. What would happen if they saw you becoming assimilated to me too?”

So there’s no way out.

Erica stepped back with dejected steps.

“Are you angry?”

“…”

“But what can we do? It’s the natural course of things.”

Not having the courage to look at her face, I turned my head towards the shop entrance.

“That’s why I told you. That you would come to hate me.”

Silence fell. When I was about to move my steps, disliking the heavy air.

My body was pushed hard and two arms were extended.

Shining handcuffs were put on.

“Keep, keep resisting like that. Let’s see who wins.”

I heard footsteps.

“I won’t even pay attention to you.”

Erica walked away.