Sugar (3)

“Hihi…”

Pain was like a familiar stimulant to me. It always fulfilled its role of awakening my mind, not to forsake my cold duty.

To me, who had been perpetrating death, pain was a catalyst. It was like a strong pressure that subdued the taste of happiness and pleasure.

Always.

Therefore.

The rough breathing I heard after a long time wasn’t bad.

It was thrilling.

Warm words, or cozy times. It gave me a sensation different from those kinds of things.

“Hah… heh… G-good job.”

Holding the blade of the knife instead of the handle, I spoke to the hesitating man.

“Enduring until now… I think that’s really amazing.”

“You murderous bastard…”

“W-wow. Looks like you still have the strength to talk.”

Blood again. That damn blood.

I scoffed, watching the red waterfall flowing from his mouth.

“I haven’t killed anyone yet. I’m going to use you all as hostages. I need to leave enough of your bodies for torture.”

Maybe I should think it’s fortunate.

That I’m feeling tired even in this situation.

Because I’ve tasted a cozy daily life. It was natural to ruminate on the approaching sense of powerlessness.

“God will… punish you.”

“You must believe in religion.”

I rushed at him just like that. I stabbed the blade into his abdomen. I carved out the man’s muscles with the knife and cut several nerves. I felt a stiff texture. Was flesh always like this?

“How about me instead of God?”

Watching him scream, I dug into my own shoulder area with the blade in the same way. It hurts.

“Gah, hak… God will… me…”

“What amazing faith!”

It’s admirable.

“But if He exists, haven’t we already been abandoned?”

“Bullshit…!”

“Isn’t that right! Even you have long been corrupted! You’re being swayed by the phrase in your character status that says you push your body to the limit for a sense of justice!”

Because we always dwell underground. I could vaguely understand their despair too.

“The price of the power we possess… is such.”

“I’ll let you rest. It’s hard, isn’t it? I think it would be hard if it were me.”

“Only beasts like you fear that… urgh.”

Shut up.

“I’m really, really kind, you know. So that your body doesn’t move mechanically, I’ll carve off your limbs…”

My mind is getting hazy.

“Hehe…”

I abandoned reason because I was afraid. I relied on alcohol. I clung to cigarettes. Nothing changed. What always constricts the body is emotion, reality, instinct.

When I.

Came to my senses.

I was stabbing the man vomiting blood with the blade. Vaguely, the constricting noise around me was also fading away into tinnitus.

Disgust. You’re torturing people again. Escaping. Everyone should become like me. I can’t be the only one suffering.

Dystopia. Both me and the world.

I’m tired. I sat down and looked back.

I pay my respects to that appearance that seems like it would blind me.

“Ah, ahaha. You’re still pretty.”

“……”

Erica, who seemed momentarily flustered, stood up with her healed body. I feel the gap. The one I should look up to, I have to crane my neck to see.

I spread my arms wide. Sticky liquid dripped down. I pointed just like that. At my body. With 10 swords and 128 bullets embedded in it.

“Unlike me, you’re really cool. Unlike this damn body. Hey. How can I become pretty? Like you, I mean. Would it be enough if I stuck in a few more knives? But, but I think it would hurt more if I stuck in more.”

Ha, haha.

It seems fortunate that even a hollow laugh comes out.

My internal organs are ruptured and my heart is pierced, but I can endure. My bones are broken and my skin is barely left, but.

“But if you tell me to do it, I will. I’ll endure even if it hurts. I think I can do it if you smile and stroke me. I’m sorry. Don’t make that face. Are you angry? Should I not even speak to you, given what I am?”

“Aureli.”

“Don’t come closer.”

Even while spewing out combinations of letters, my primary concern was whether I might be irritating her mood.

“Stop there and condemn me. Spit out curses at me. Look at me with cold eyes. Tell me there’s no way to save me except death.”

I saw her lips moving. But I didn’t raise my gaze any further than that. Because I couldn’t look at her gaze.

“Ah.”

I’m scared. I’m still scared.

It might be punishment.

An immature punishment. An emotional punishment.

The price of not becoming an adult.

“It’s only natural that you hate someone like me.”

You, who have such kind eyes.

You were so pretty.

Your cool demeanor. The way you point a knife. Even the dejected smile you make when you lie down on the battlefield.

Your kindness that’s almost frightening and your embrace that feels like it would melt my body.

That’s why I admired you.

It didn’t take long to realize what love is.

I saw her snow-white pupils trembling.

In the silence that began. As if judging the sin of spilling out many phrases I should have kept to myself.

She slowly opened her mouth.

“…When this is over, today. Shall we go to a dessert shop together?”

“Ha, haha.”

You’re still the same.

Even after such a heavy conversation, you say things like that.

I pointed at the hunters slumped against the wall, collapsed limply.

“I’ve already crippled all the hunters. Even those hiding in the back. So you don’t need to lie to lure me. I’m telling you I won’t be flustered anymore.”

Why did I say such a long thing? Because I’m annoyed at the daily life that’s twisted again. Because I don’t like it. Because I’m emotional. Me, who’s become half-human.

“It’s been a while since we’ve been in this kind of situation. Well, that’s right. I did become too nice after somehow falling for you.”

“……”

“I want to hear you curse me again after a long time. I also like it when you glare at me with those pretty eyes.”

I should correct those kind eyes first.

I hope you understand me trying to establish our relationship even in this confusing situation.

I grabbed the fallen man’s hair and lifted his head.

His faintly open eyes glowed dimly in the moonlight.

At some point I had been subverted into daily life, but I needed to realize that I still fit in a place like this.

“We need a backdrop. Wouldn’t a space filled with screams be good?”

I raised the knife. The premature blade flashed.

“I’ll start by cutting off this person’s arm.”

“Aureli.”

“Yes? Did you call me?”

Even condemnation is fine. Because it’s an extension of you making me aware of my existence.

I smiled slightly, looking at Erica who had now hardened her expression.

“……”

The blade dug into the man’s joint.

“Aagh! Aaagh!”

“I, I have something I want to say!”

An urgent voice pressed on my ears. Your voice is nice too. Always.

Yes. That’s right. To listen to you, shouldn’t I stop all my actions and focus on you?

I let go of the half-cut skin and buried my face in Erica’s legs.

“Okay. Talk.”

“What kind of dessert do you like?”

After saying it, it felt like I had made some kind of mistake.

But it was fortunate. Rather, Aureli seemed to enjoy even such daily conversation and started to answer.

“Cake was fine too, you know.”

“Is that so.”

Erica took a deep breath. And she slightly turned her gaze straight ahead.

The hunters were sprawled out, groaning and slumped over.

To keep them breathing, she had no choice but to coax Aureli well and get through the current situation.

The current situation.

Erica found it hard to follow even the atmosphere of this moment.

To avoid creating unnecessary bloodshed with the Union hunters, she had planned to strike Aureli and take her to the Association once she calmed down.

Surely, it was just a moment ago that she, who had been gripping Erica’s shoulders and immersed in bewilderment, suddenly came to her senses and started swinging her knife wildly.

And then the threats began.

“You don’t have anything else to say.”

“No, that’s not true. I have, I have more things I’m curious about. Could you answer them?”

Silence fell. Aureli smiled slightly. Anyone could see she wasn’t her usual self. Her hazy eyes, as if her mind was contaminated by something, were reflected in the scene.

Erica tried her best to focus on this childlike appearance that could explode in any direction.

“You’re curious? You don’t need to force yourself to squeeze out questions.”

“I told you before that I wanted to know more about you.”

“I see. Thank you for your interest.”

Aureli slowly brought her face closer. The swords stuck in her abdomen clinked against each other. Blood flowed from her ruptured abdomen and near her heart, leaving marks on the floor. Aureli raised her face. Her blood-red eyes looked tired, and blood stains were visible on her face and forehead.

Erica unknowingly tried to embrace her.

More precisely, she was about to.

“But you shouldn’t be kind to someone like me.”

A scream rang out. The knife dug into the man’s flesh. Muscles tore and bones crumbled.

Erica’s hand trembled.

“Because I should be trampled by you.”

Aureli reached out her hand. Erica’s fingers intertwined and overlapped with hers. They touched the sword stuck in Aureli’s abdomen just like that.

Aureli pulled her hand. The sword blade held by Erica pressed into Aureli’s chest, making a sound of flesh being crushed.

Blood flowed. A faint moan irritated the ears.

“As expected, I, I am. Like this. Like this painfully…”

Erica inhaled. Her heart raced.

Aureli, with lifeless eyes, pulled Erica’s hand. Another sword blade was placed in Erica’s hand. The sword that started to be pushed in was resisted by the skin, then sunk in with a squelch.

“Hehe… He… Urgh.”

The increasingly fading breath echoed. Aureli smiled weakly. She grimaced in pain and shed tears.

Erica’s lips trembled.

“…Don’t do this.”

Erica resisted, considering the hostages. Aureli looked at her with an empty face.

Erica glared at her, putting strength in her eyes.

“I don’t like it when you’re in pain.”