Chapter 38

I opened my eyes in a white room that felt somehow familiar.

Having seen it once before, it didn’t feel as unfamiliar as the first time.

That’s not to say it was a space I could grow attached to, though.

Furniture without a speck of dust can be seen.

I run my hand over it, but there’s still not a speck of dust.

“Did I come here because the tutorial ended?”

Fortunately, they don’t leave me alone here. I was wondering about that.

It seems they automatically move you to the waiting room when you pass.

My body’s condition was surprisingly vigorous.

It still feels like the shivering sensation remains.

I was certain this was definitely a cold.

But not only was there no sign of a cold, I felt even healthier.

Could it be that the waiting room itself has a recovery effect?

I examine the wounds on my body. The shallow wounds scattered here and there have all disappeared.

“So there was a recovery effect.”

But it seems wounds from before entering the Tower don’t heal.

I quietly lowered my head and looked at my wrist.

Scar marks can be seen on the wrist.

They’re scattered about as if a beast had scratched it.

In a way, it doesn’t seem different.

I howled like a beast and suffered just as much.

I grasped my wrist and pulled it near my heart. In that state, I curl up and feel the heartbeat.

Thump thump. The heart is still beating.

Whether in pain or not, the heart beats with the same sound, the same rhythm, without regard.

The pulse felt from the hand pressing on the wrist and the heart sound resonate with each other.

The scar marks engraved on the wrist are reflections of the scars embedded in the heart.

Unable to slash the heart, I satisfied myself by slashing the wrist.

Though it’s packaged in lyrical words, it was ultimately a problem that arose because I was weak.

It was a distress call sent by my mentally unstable self, and also a punishment I inflicted on myself.

Because I couldn’t overcome the guilt that filled my heart.

“That’s still the case now.”

Still, just by focusing on something, a person can erase a considerable portion of depression.

That’s what games were like.

While focusing on games, I liked that other thoughts didn’t arise.

Now, I liked that I could think only about survival. I was busy adapting to the sudden change.

When actually faced with it, I seemed to have a lot of lingering attachment to life.

I thought I had let go of everything…

But when actually faced with it, I had many lingering attachments in my hands.

This time too, I invested the stat in Magic Power and waited to move to the next stage.

.

.

.

A forest in the rain.

A forest submerged in rain can be seen.

Water rising up to around the knees can be seen.

The forest reflected in the water looked infinitely quiet. But that quietness felt bizarre rather than peaceful.

It contained the silence of a place where no one lives.

Disliking the sight, I moved my steps.

With each step, small ripples splash around.

Thus, the forest reflected in the water scatters with my every step.

Drip. Drop. Drip.

I took in the sight of water droplets shattering on leaves.

I walked aimlessly, not knowing where I was heading.

For some reason, I felt as if someone was guiding me to a specific place.

Even though I wasn’t following light or walking in a specific direction, it felt that way.

“Hello.”

I stopped my steps at a voice that sounded somewhat tearful.

It was a cave.

Looking up, what’s visible is a single beam of light penetrating through the dense trees, through the dark clouds.

The beam of light entering the dark cave looked like stage lighting.

I see a person sitting under that light.

They were sitting on a rock, looking at me.

Although I’m clearly looking at their face, the face wasn’t clearly visible.

Like dark clouds in a rainy sky, like a streetlight on a rainy day, it appeared only dimly.

It looked blurred, as if water had been dropped on paint.

“It’s been a while.”

“Have we met before?”

To my words, they made a dejected smile and said:

“Well, maybe we have met before.”

Not understanding what they meant, I tilted my head.

“I might have been one of the connections that passed by, or I might have been an important connection in your life.”

“What are you saying? I can’t understand…”

“It’s not something I say expecting understanding. The Tower isn’t that kind.”

They said, lightly pressing my lips with their index finger.

A cold sensation gradually spreads from my lips.

A thick scent of rain was coming from them.

“The Tower doesn’t want constraints. But just as much, you need to break free from constraints too.”

Before I knew it, I found a small dagger in my hand.

And in front of me, a defenseless figure lying down.

“Throw off all constraints defined by the world. That world no longer exists.”

That figure grabbed the dagger in my hand and pulled it towards their abdomen, saying:

“Kill me. You’ll need to get used to killing something.”

Truly defenseless.

If I apply force and stab, it would enter as softly as a knife into tofu.

But that’s why I felt more resistance.

The things I’ve faced so far had appearances that anyone would call monstrous.

Perhaps because of that, there was less resistance to the concept of killing.

But now it’s different.

It’s a person.

Due to the notion learned throughout life that one should not kill people, I couldn’t easily move the dagger.

“If you don’t kill me, this will never end.”

“But…”

“You need to get used to killing something. That’s the only way to survive in the Tower.”

They stroke my hand holding the dagger once, then whisper in my ear:

“The Tower doesn’t force anything. Everything is your choice and your will alone.”

What do they mean by not forcing anything?

How is it not forcing?

They’re forcing me to commit murder. If this isn’t coercion, what is?

“Whether to advance or retreat, that’s your choice. If you want to advance, please kill me.”

Rainwater flowing down confuses my thoughts.

The rain sound filling everywhere disrupts my judgment.

The boundary between reality and fantasy collapses.

“Please kill me.”

Amid all that, a voice that pierces clearly.

I had no choice but to listen to those words, as if enchanted by something.

The dagger enters deeply without hitting anything.

And then, a stream of blood rises.

Meeting the falling rainwater, the world gradually turns red, turns pink.

The fishy smell of blood mixes with the smell of rainwater, emitting a foul odor.

It’s clearly me who stabbed with the knife, but why am I in such pain?

I felt dizzy, as if my insides had turned to mud.

Like falling raindrops, my mood also sinks into the deep sea.

[Tutorial Success!]

[As a reward, you acquire the trait ‘Mental Resistance’.]

* * *

Blurred boundaries, like flowing rain.

Concepts within the Tower were always like that.

There were no clearly divided concepts, and nothing was properly defined.

“It’s a world where you can only survive by killing something.”

All who were here had experienced having blood on their hands.

Enemies within the Tower included not only monsters but also players.

Before entering the Tower, they say they can somehow prevent it with administrator privileges, but once inside the floors, there’s nothing we can do.

There are also monsters that resemble humans.

That’s why it was the final gate we prepared.

It’s a kind of oath taken before entering the Tower, and also a ritual to strengthen one’s mind.

To become numbed to killing.

There was a need to break down the mental barrier once.

The trait called Mental Resistance was also one of those means.

It helps one get used to killing something but helps not to cross a certain line.

It’s a brake that prevents one from becoming a madman, and also an accelerator that pushes one’s back when needed.

“The Tower doesn’t force.”

That’s right. The Tower didn’t force anything.

It only provides choices.

It’s just that those choices are imbalanced.

In the end, it’s just playing with words.

“But that is coercion. Sigh, really.”

It’s tough. Not physically, but mentally.

I doubt if the direction I designed is right. Did I unnecessarily force something?

“It’s also hard to play the villain.”

I raised my head at Time’s words.

“But I also think it was a necessary process. It seemed necessary to discard the perceptions held in the existing world.”

What we forced upon them wasn’t just simple killing.

It was a process of erasing perceptions from the existing world that are no longer needed.

It’s just that we expressed it in the extreme way of killing.

“But now the long tutorial is finally over.”

“We should give a longer adaptation period. They’ve suddenly fallen into a different world.”

Even this was a much reduced period compared to what was originally planned. We reduced a period of about a month to about a week.

As it also served as a test, we had no choice but to simplify the process.

From the next time, we planned to set up proper explanations and various facilities in the tutorial area to make it feel like a training camp.

The training instructors would be the players invited during this test period.

“Is it time for Constellation contact now?”

“That’s right.”

“Everyone, take off the masks you’ve been wearing and reveal your identities! It’s the most exciting moment!”

Time said with a smile, as if she’s looking forward to it.