episode_0121

When I was betrayed for the first time in many episodes, what did I think?

As I slowly went back through my memories, I remembered the second time I was stabbed in the back by Sarah.

The sense of humiliation and betrayal I felt at that time, the frustration that felt like my heart was being squeezed, and the anger that felt like my intestines were being cut off.

Why did you do that? What did I do so wrong? Did something unpleasant happen? No, I’m not at fault. That guy is wrong.

‘Sera… … !! Seraaa–!!’

okay. That one day you will pay for betraying me. I will definitely tear that thing down and kill you. I promised myself that no matter what happens, I will kill at least that guy. I gritted my teeth and shed bloody tears.

If he had survived that episode and not died, he would have killed Sarah no matter what had happened. Well, he died in the end, so he moved on for good reason.

Anyway, the anger I felt at that time was that big. So much so that the anger continued into the next episode.

Ah――of course.

I knew that it was very narrow-minded to think that everyone else would do it just because I did it, so I had already completed the proof through sufficient experiments.

The moment a person is betrayed, they despair at the fall, as much as they had hoped for it and the height of their hopes.

And that despair is transformed into ‘justified’ anger in the name of revenge by the self-defense mechanism of human self-justification and is directed at the person closest to us.

And this anger was greatest when the traitor’s betrayal was at a level that threatened the life of the betrayed target.

‘Why did you do that to me!!’

‘If only you, if it weren’t for you… … !!’

‘die!!!’

After closing my eyes for a moment, I slowly opened them and looked at Seria.

What I want to say is this. If it is a person, not a saint, but an ordinary living person.

The moment your hopes are shattered and your expectations are cruelly trampled, there is no way you can endure the anger and betrayal you feel for that brief moment.

Yes, if the other person is an ordinary person.

“I… … . I guess I’m really stupid… … .”

Special test subjects that are very rare during human experiments.

Those who were called saints and saints by people were like that.

Even though they had a hard time with someone’s betrayal, they were not angry and instead comforted them.

Beings who felt their own shortcomings and tried to fill them when a problem occurred rather than blaming others.

‘It’s really amazing. How can a person be that kind? no. ‘If that’s the case, isn’t it a kind of syndrome or something?’

I quietly stuck out my tongue as I looked down at Seria, who was blaming herself in a tearful voice.

Everyone’s happy ending and all, it was a development that was already roughly expected from the time he revealed that he was a possessor while telling such nonsense stories, but this guy was also the same type of person as them.

that’s interesting. It was said that he was terminally ill and dying in the hospital before being possessed, but how could he have a personality like that?

‘Charles!’

The corners of my eyes fluttered as I caught a glimpse of the correct answer in my hand.

As I watched Seria quietly with my mouth shut, Seria sighed and said.

“If only this Griffon attack goes well… … . I thought it would work out somehow. I forgot everything you said back then and thought of it like a game.”

Seria, who was crying, leaned her back against the wall and touched her forehead.

Seria, who had been sighing for a while, struggled to lift her bangs and looked up at the sky and said.

“Do you really think I’m stupid? I told you so much, but it happened again.”

Seria, who smiled bitterly with a face full of regret and anguish, looked at me with a sad face.

“Why… … . Is everything I do like this? … ?”

Seria cried out in a tearful voice.

“Me too… … . I’m trying too!! But no matter how hard I try, the results end up being weird!!”

Starting with that cry, Seria began spitting out the words she had kept in her heart.

As if vomiting blood, the emotions that had been buried beneath things like hope and will poured out.

“Also about Sarah! If I had known sooner, Sarah wouldn’t have left the academy! So does the Spring Festival! If only I had paid more attention to my friends around me instead of paying attention to the crown prince… … ! If only I had noticed something strange sooner… … !! If so… … .”

Seria, who lowered her head while trailing off her words, mumbled and fell to the floor, leaning her back against the wall.

“I know… … . Even if you cry like this, it won’t help anything… … . But, I really don’t know what to do now… … .”

Well, apart from the fact that Ceria is different from others and doesn’t blame others. What happened before with Sera, the Spring Festival, the feud with the Crown Prince, and even this Gryphon incident.

It seemed very shaken because so many incidents happened in quick succession in a short period of time.

“I should have taken those words to heart when you told me this wasn’t a game… … .”

But I saw it with my own eyes, having seen many people. That shaking is not the shaking that comes before collapsing in despair. It was similar to the shaking that occurs while struggling to climb to a higher place.

It feels very confusing, but even if one side holds on, you can no longer expect growth. The other side is very different in that the moment you overcome it, you grow even further.

Of course, even in the latter case, if you take off the hand hanging on the end, you will fall into the abyss at that moment, so if I intervene here and break your heart, you will no longer be able to move like the former.

What should I do… … . Should I break it here? or not–

“… … Seria.”

After thinking about it for a while, I decided not to break it.

Are you letting your guard down and thinking this is okay? Are you arrogant that no matter how hard Ceria struggles, it won’t work out for me anyway?

Do you have a secret feeling that you haven’t been able to get along with Seria yet? Or did you feel sympathy when you saw that crying sight?

“Seria.”

“… … Yes.”

“Raise your head.”

no. Not everything. I was prepared to respond to whatever Seria did.

And no matter how hard Ceria actually struggles, she won’t work for me. That’s not arrogance, it’s fact.

Indecent mind… … . To be honest, ever since Hermel came to me, I haven’t seen other women in my eyes. I wouldn’t know if it was absolutely necessary, but I wouldn’t even give it my heart.

And if I had only felt this much sympathy for the other person, Sarah would have been forgiven by me long ago and would have been living happily by my side.

The reason I’m helping Seria right now isn’t because I’m emotionally moved. It’s just because we need Ceria for what’s to come.

okay. Now, in order to use Seria, I am helping her grow. Other than that, I really don’t have any personal feelings at all.

“Look at me. Open your eyes straight.”

“… … .”

I stood in front of Ceria and looked straight into her eyes.

However, Seria made eye contact for a moment and then slowly turned her head to avoid my eyes.

As if he was ashamed of his own reflection in my eyes.

“Don’t avoid it.”

I grabbed Seria’s chin and forced her to make eye contact.

At that time, the eyes that were shining like stars with dreams and hopes had lost their light because they were obscured by clouds.

“I want to share happiness with everyone. If you have the most unhappy face, who are you going to share your happiness with?”

“But… … .”

“I know that feeling. No matter what I do, I fail. Things don’t go the way you want. And that feeling like all the plans you made are being ruined by something.”

Even as I spoke, my appetite was bitter, so I laughed bitterly without realizing it.

Of course, my appetite is not bitter because of what I did to Ceria. It’s just that I’m licking my bitter past again to cheer up Ceria’s feelings.

“You must be afraid. It would be awkward to touch it because the moment you touch it, it will be ruined.”

At those words, Seria cried and averted her eyes.

“By the way. If you let go of everything you’re doing because you’re scared, can you be satisfied with that?”

Seria shivered and bit her lip without saying a word.

“That’s all for me. My will ended here. Thinking like that, can you let go without any regrets? This is my limit. Can you give up while saying that?”

“Give up… … .”

The words mixed with tears that were uttered with difficulty contained different emotions than before.

“There’s no way you can do it… … !”

I smiled and nodded at those words, which I tried hard to hold back from crying.

Thinking that if I stimulated her a little more, she would wake up on her own, I let go of Seria’s chin and looked up at the sky.

“It’s okay to rest if you’re tired. It’s okay to cry when it hurts. If the burden on your shoulders is too heavy, it’s okay to put it down for a while. If the road is too far to see, stop for a moment and look around.”

Ceria followed me and raised her head and looked up at the sky.

The sun had already set and the sky was dark. But the night was not dark.

“You are not alone.”

However, in the cloudless sky, a dazzling number of stars were showing off their own light, lighting up the night sky instead of the sun.

“Understand?”

I lowered my head and spoke while looking at Seria with a small smile, and Seria, who was quietly looking up at the sky, spoke with the same smile as before.

“Yes… … !”

Ceria’s face was a little redder than usual as she nodded vigorously.