(Side Story) The Sun’s Story

I reflect on my first memory.

That is, before the Tower was created, before my sister and I were trapped in one body.

When I first opened my eyes, it felt like waking up from a very terrible dream.

The body was just heavy and uncomfortable. It didn’t feel very pleasant, like my freedom was being suppressed.

[You’ve awakened.]

It was a voice with a subtle sense of distance, seeming both close and far away.

When I raised my head toward the voice, what I saw was something in the form of a person.

Completely enveloped in light, nothing could be properly seen.

Because of that, the small crack near the heart was more noticeable. It was shattered in all directions, like broken glass.

“Who are you?”

The resonance of the sound rising through my throat feels awkward.

I felt something like a sense of liberation.

Within the body, two contradictory concepts, suppression and liberation, were felt simultaneously.

[I am the being who is your parent. A god, you might say?]

You all?

When I turned my head, I saw another being besides myself.

She was a girl all in white. Her purple eyes remind one of a night full of stars.

When we recognized each other, we felt that we were strongly connected.

As if we were one body, what this child was thinking, what emotions she was feeling, were vividly transmitted naturally.

[You are beings who are two in one and one in two, the sun and moon that illuminate the darkness of the world.]

The face, whose expression I couldn’t even read, seemed to be smiling.

She (I decided to think of her as a female entity because her speaking tone and gestures were feminine) who introduced herself as a god had nothing to do.

She just blankly observed the world.

While emitting the most brilliant light, she erases her presence as if she’s melting into the surrounding environment, as if she doesn’t exist.

Many things approach around her.

She was sometimes a flower, sometimes a tree, sometimes a rock.

When she was a flower, butterflies came down to sit around her, and bees danced.

When she became a tree, she stood firmly and gave out many things.

She became a home for birds and gave fruits to fill other animals.

When she became a rock, she stood firmly and took in all the slowly flowing things.

The trickling stream, the chattering birds, and the deer sipping water.

Like moss growing on a rock, the crack located around her chest also kept growing.

The Moon and I just silently watched her.

We looked at her, leaning against the sunset-dyed scenery.

The only times we could meet were dawn and evening.

The Moon liked to lie down leaning on my lap. I also liked to stroke the Moon’s head.

Doing so made me feel like even the worries and anxieties in my heart disappeared.

Although it should be our job to illuminate the darkness of the world, it seems we can’t illuminate the darkness of the heart.

Why do those ever-growing cracks keep bothering me?

If I asked, she would readily tell me, as she always did. Casually, as if it’s nothing.

She would speak calmly about her own story as if she were talking about someone else’s.

I hated that. I was afraid of the answer that would come from asking.

Words become seeds. Words once spoken cannot be taken back.

Is that why? Because I felt that if I heard the answer, it would be confirmed as is, it would happen as is, I couldn’t ask.

I thought living with uneasiness would be better than living with sadness.

Even amid this, her crack kept growing.

[Let’s make a game.]

The words she uttered were not easily understandable.

“A game?”

[A game is, you know, a virtual space created by humans for entertainment.]

After that, she excitedly talked about what a game is.

Basically, this character called a god talked a lot. To the extent that I wondered how she had endured alone for such a long time, given how much she likes to talk.

But still, why do I listen to her words silently without saying anything?

I closed my eyes quietly and listened to her chattering.

The chirping of birds, the rustling of wind, the friendly sound of a trickling stream. Her voice, resembling the sounds of nature, was pleasant to hear.

[Are you listening?]

I nodded quietly to her soft question.

[I’m going to create a game to create a new god.]

In that moment, my heart sank with a thud. It falls heavily.

Perhaps because of the impact of the fall, my voice came out trembling.

“A new god?”

[I need a god to rule the world after I die.]

“Dying? A god? Why?”

[Everything has an end. Eternity doesn’t exist.]

“Then why did you create us? If you’re going to die anyway? Why do we need to exist?”

I couldn’t understand why she gave consciousness to us who were perfectly fine.

[To die.]

She utters such cruel words so casually.

[For me to die.]

We were the blades to kill her.

I realized that we were the managers of the Tower of Babel, built to challenge God.

“That’s selfish.”

[It is selfish.]

At her words readily affirming, it welled up from inside and burst out.

Tears leak out.

The tears that flowed down evaporate and disappear, unable to withstand the hot heat rising from my body.

Ah, I can’t even shed tears properly.

Chiiik. Chiiik. Only unpleasant sounds echo.

Steam rising upward.

Eventually, rain falls.

Standing in the drizzling rain, I just kept looking at her endlessly.

Perhaps because of the hazy fog, she didn’t look blurry. It felt like she would disappear as soon as I touched her.

[I’m sorry. But even I can be selfish once, right? Just once.]

I deeply hated that the target happened to be me.

She quietly came through the rain and embraced me.

This character called a god was infinitely selfish and infinitely cruel.

But her body temperature was too warm, and her embrace was too cozy.

The human body isn’t all bad.

I can feel human body temperature better. Each and every thing, that person’s heartbeat, breathing sound, comes in as if carved clearly.

It makes me feel more vividly.

In the end, I had no choice but to lose to her. I had to yield.

“Can’t we become gods?”

[Being a god isn’t that simple. The result of being a god comes through the process of climbing.]

It was difficult to understand.

[There’s no result without a process. What you’re saying is the same as skipping the process and hoping for the result.]

Anyway, it meant it’s not possible.

After that, there wasn’t much.

There was a minor mistake of choosing the wrong place to build the Tower, but.

[It’s okay. Such things are necessary too. Sometimes mistakes become great inventions. This too must be a necessary process.]

I deliberately ignored the crack that was gradually growing. The more I did so, the more I focused on developing the game, deliberately erasing my anxiety.

And finally, when the game, the system within the Tower, was completed.

The end came to her too.

The brilliantly shining woman was not here.

There was only a woman who was gradually losing her light, with cracks spreading all over her body like a broken mirror.

[Haha. So this is dying.]

Even until the moment of dying, she was detached.

How can she be so calm, so unbothered?

Isn’t death scary? Isn’t the end fearful?

“Hueong.”

It contrasts with the Moon crying beside me.

Her face distorts uglily, shedding tears and snot.

[Don’t cry.]

The red evening glow looked just like she was bleeding.

Crack. The crack is getting bigger.

The crack climbs up her body and soon covers her face.

Clang. With the sound of a glass bowl breaking, her naked face was revealed.

“I’m sorry. For leaving such a big burden on you.”

Inside, she was crying. She was crying pitifully, covered in tears.

“I didn’t know parting would be this painful. I didn’t know it would be this agonizing.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s okay.”

We embraced her warmly, just as she had done for me, for us.

I can feel the warmth gradually cooling. I can feel the heartbeat slowly slowing down. I can hear the breath becoming faintly distant.

The one inside the shell called a god was just an ordinary person.

Not something transcendental.

She was someone who got lonely easily, selfish but not hateful.

.

.

.

Since the Tower was built, I couldn’t meet the Moon.

I couldn’t meet the Moon. I couldn’t stroke her head, and we couldn’t look at each other’s faces and smile.

I vaguely feel that she’s settled inside me, but it wasn’t satisfying.

I missed those days when I would stroke her head while looking at the sunset.

I missed that time when we could feel each other’s warmth.

We had the authority to touch the Tower’s system, but we didn’t touch anything. We didn’t modify it.

Even a god can make mistakes. We didn’t want to admit that fact.

We didn’t touch or try to fix the system that God had initially designed.

Because it felt like denying her.

The result is what we have now.

In the end, nothing was achieved.

If someone had to bear the responsibility for that failure, I thought it should be me. Me rather than the Moon.

The sun emits a strong light. That strong light eats up all the darkness in the world and even eats up the light.

Under the sun, nothing can be dark, and nothing can be bright.

The moon, on the other hand, was different.

She can’t emit light by herself.

Despite that, she tries to somehow illuminate the world, even by borrowing the sun’s light.

Even that’s feeble, and she can’t illuminate the whole world.

Under the moon, the world was dark, but it also shone in various ways.

Like a stage light, not too bright, it shines gently so that other things can shine more.

If the sun was the lead role, the moon was an excellent supporting role.

So what suits the world now would be the moon.

After all, the protagonists of the world were the players climbing the Tower, not themselves.

There’s no need for too strong a light.

“That’s why it’s better for me to sacrifice. I’ll be the sacrifice.”

“No need.”

I raised my head at Lib’s words.

“Why? Why can’t I?”

“The price has already been paid. Paid in advance. You know that too, right?”

“What?”

“According to you, I’ve been deprived of the possibility of becoming a god. I thought being saved was enough, but it seems that’s not quite the case.”

The calculation of the world is often different from the standard of ordinary people.

It seems to be the case now too.

“In exchange for losing the qualification to climb, I gained the qualification to turn back time. Of course, it’s not complete. It’s like a one-time coupon, and there are things to be paid additionally.”

“So.”

“You don’t have to sacrifice. You don’t have to die. You might lose your qualification as a manager, though.”

That would be better than dying.

My face naturally reddened at Lib’s words.

The things I had pondered over felt foolish.

I couldn’t look straight at Lib’s face, who was smiling as if teasing me.