episode_0081

Mel, whom I hadn’t seen in a while, looked quite upset.

Was it because I was tired, or was there some change in my mood? His complexion was pale, and his eyes, which had been filled with ambition and firearms, were filled with anguish.

When I returned home, I wondered what on earth I had seen to make me look like that. I roughly expected it, but I didn’t necessarily say it out loud. That’s why it’s not fun.

Let’s play around a little. That’s what I thought, and after looking at Mel’s face carefully, I smiled and approached her.

“I missed you.”

“Oh, lady?”

I said something out of my mind and hugged Mel tightly. The warm body temperature and fragrant soap smell were pleasant.

Mel just flinched, probably from embarrassment, but didn’t react at all.

“I even hugged him first, but he didn’t respond at all. It’s too much.”

“Huh!?”

He pressed his palm against Mel’s lower abdomen and smiled.

Mel reflexively moaned at the stimulation she had felt for the first time in a long time, but it stopped there.

I did not desire more pleasure or color, nor did I have any expectations of what would come next. All there is is one deep agony.

Before we broke up, there was some friction, even though it was one-sided, and I deliberately went out in a friendly way to relieve the awkwardness that arose during our brief separation… … .

“… … .”

Looking at that face, even if I were to knock Mel down right here and covet her, she would show me that she is nothing more or less than a doll that responds to stimulation.

It’s not fun――As soon as that thought occurred to me, the smile on my face disappeared.

“It’s not even a month, I just haven’t seen you for a week, but you’ve become a lot stiffer now.”

“Sorry.”

“I didn’t say that because I wanted to hear an apology.”

He let go of Mel, who quietly apologized, and took a few steps back.

Nevertheless, Mel still had a face filled with agony.

“Hmm… … . I can’t believe you’re thinking of something else with the owner in front of you. It’s a shame.”

Mel trembled at my words, and I smiled while covering my mouth with a fan.

“So, what was the atmosphere like at your home after a long time?”

“How is your mother?”

“Is your younger brother still not coming out of his room?”

“But everyone gathers together during meal times, right?”

“Did you hand over the letter safely?”

“It must be spring, are there any flowers blooming in the garden?”

Mel couldn’t answer any of my questions. No, I couldn’t answer accurately.

I asked a question, and as soon as Mel opened her mouth to answer that question, I immediately asked the next question.

Every time I asked a question, I took a step closer to Mel. The closer I got, the worse Mel’s complexion got, and her gaze gradually lowered.

With a click, I folded the fan, looked up at Mel from right in front of her, smiled, and chewed out the question I had intentionally left out until the end, chewing on each and every word.

“So… … . Did your father like the wine I prepared?”

As I expected, Mel was very perturbed by my last question.

“Ah, that… … .”

Her eyes, which were shaking violently as if there had been an earthquake, made it possible to read her emotions, albeit fragmentarily.

Regret, fear, anxiety, self-blame.

All of it was shaking Mel’s body.

“Why are you shaking so much? Anyone who sees it will think I’m eating it.”

“ugh――”

I reached out my hand and gently cupped Mel’s cheek, lifting her face slightly to a comfortable viewing angle so I could appreciate her expression a little more closely.

The trembling in her fingertips told of her fear. Her violently trembling eyes showed her regret. Her pale complexion showed her anxiety.

He smiled and opened his mouth, looking extremely satisfied.

“Have you seen any signs of drug addiction in the wine-drinking matriarch? Or is it just the guilt of giving someone drugs that’s tormenting you?”

No, that can’t be true. This is a person who climbed up to try to survive somehow.

There’s no way a person who crawled under me saying he would do any dirty work would be afraid just because of that.

“Father, did you think of something when you saw a man who was the head of a duke family drinking drug-laced wine?”

Who exactly did you think of? Who did Mel think of that made her tremble with such fear?

Something that could stimulate Mel’s trauma… … .

“Ah, I understand.”

I smiled faintly and smoothed Mel’s chin.

“The commonality of being parents, the commonality of drugs, and the commonality of facing a terrible death in the end… … . Have you superimposed the image of your mother on top of the image of the matriarch?”

Mel looked at me with wide eyes at my words. I never told you about my past, how did you know? It was a face like this.

Is it possible that a person who has lived stubbornly at the bottom is so naive? I poked Mel’s lower stomach with my finger to give her a little hint.

“Is it because it reminds you of your mother, who was living as a prostitute in a brothel and dying from drug addiction?”

I smiled and rubbed Mel’s lower abdomen with my finger. Mel shivered every time a finger brushed below her navel.

“Like back then, I’m afraid I’ll end up on the street after taking drugs.”

I made eye contact with Mel, enjoying the feel of the rough fabric under my fingertips.

“I am afraid that I will once again feel that terrible feeling of losing my mind, that terrible feeling of my ego melting away. I’m afraid that when you become useless, I’ll give you the same drugs and abandon you.”

It’s scary, right?

“Well, I… … .”

Mel, who was shaking and hesitant to answer, caught her breath, opened her eyes, and opened her mouth.

“It’s not scary, it’s not.”

“Hmm… … . Really?”

I nodded, quietly straightened my back, took a step back, and used a small soundproofing spell just enough to cover Mel and me.

Mel blinked and looked at me, and I smiled and opened my fan.

“Mel, I am. I hate lies.”

I flapped my fan and quietly closed my eyes.

“If you have bad feelings, you can say so, and if you have good feelings, you can say so. There is no need to lie to suit your mood. I hate false flattery more than honest bad talk.”

“I didn’t lie.”

“Lie again. Are you going to make me angry if that happens? I’m giving you this opportunity now, but are you going to keep lying like that?”

Mel trembled as she suddenly opened her eyes.

“Are you scared of me?”

“No… … ”

“Please, please. Just be honest. huh? There is no need to foolishly lie. All you have to do is admit that you are scared and that you are scared of being abandoned.”

“… … .”

Mel thought about something quietly and slowly raised her head.

“Very, a little… … .”

“Huh?”

“It’s just a little bit, young lady. It’s scary.”

“Now you’re speaking honestly. okay. Keep going.”

I smiled in satisfaction at the honest answer and folded the fan.

Mel began to spit out honest stories as if reading a book.

“From the moment she was first chosen, the young lady’s endless madness. I was so afraid of its malice. I was so scared that I didn’t know when it would come towards me.”

It’s only now that I’m telling my honest story. Well, it was a hundred times better than keeping it inside, so I quietly listened to Mel’s story.

“When the lady said she would kill the head of the family, I was so afraid. It was so creepy to see him not hesitate even when dealing with his own family.”

It certainly seems that way to other people. I understand. I nodded.

“Soon, the more I looked at the reasonless murderous intent that was also directed at the young master, and the endless malice toward Lady Sera, the more I began to understand it and only became more fearful of the young lady… … .”

Mel, who was trembling with her arms wrapped around her as if hugging something, looked at me with eyes filled with fear.

“Every time I look at those bottomless pit-like eyes, they are not the soggy malice I saw in the brothel, nor can they be compared to the murderous intent of the vagabonds I saw in the back alleys. I felt like my heart would stop.”

Well, it would be difficult to compare me, who has regressed 16 times, with those who are new to this life.

“What on earth are you moving for? … ? authority? money? Fame? It’s nothing else.”

“As for me, I don’t know you. Don’t you just smile ‘grin’ or ‘grin’ in any situation? I feel like I’m going crazy every time I think about what’s lurking underneath that mask-like face… … !”

“I don’t even know how the lady behaves. Why are you trying to kill my family, why are you tormenting the highly loyal Sera, and why are you trying to isolate Miss Seria… … !!”

“I’m so scared because I don’t know anything about the lady!!”

Mel looked at me now, almost crying.

“What on earth do you mean, lady…? … ?”

I blinked and tapped my chin with a fan.

“… … Pretty poignant, huh?”

Although it was harsh, I didn’t feel bad because it was all said from the heart.

Rather, I wanted to give a serious answer to the question Mel posed at the end.

So, for the first time, I slowly thought about ‘me’. After thinking about it again.

“Okay. What did I ask?”

Okay, let me answer.

I decided to tell you something about myself.