episode_0198

* * *

Is this a dream?

Serpina’s thought in front of the flower field in full bloom was that this might be a dream.

That’s right, there was no way I could have been allowed such a miserable scenery.

If you turn your head slightly-

A white-haired man was smiling at me.

It’s a familiar face. Swen.

It’s a dream I haven’t had since I met him… … It felt like I was in a dream again.

Amazingly, I was able to see myself from a third person’s perspective.

Wearing a straw hat to block out the sunlight, wearing a pure white dress… …

She smiles like a woman who is much loved, as if she is happier than anyone else.

It’s a smile so warm that I can’t even remember when I smiled like that.

Only such happy moments seem to last forever.

Swen slowly stood up from his seat.

And then he began to move forward with great strides.

‘… … uh?’

Even if I stretch out my hand… … I can’t reach it.

Even though I want to say something, my voice doesn’t come out.

There was so much I wanted to say, but I couldn’t get my mouth to speak.

don’t go.

Don’t leave, Swen.

If you leave too, I… … I am.

Not loved by anyone and hated by everyone… … It’s going to be thrown away.

no.

I don’t like that.

Please, please, please me… …

* * *

‘… … ah.’

Suddenly, I came to my senses.

“What’s going on here, Serpina…? … .”

‘… … Swen?’

It’s Swen’s voice.

It is the voice of the man from the dream I just had.

Serpina moved her hands slowly.

As I moved little by little, I began to understand what had just happened.

that’s right. After receiving a prescription for an herbal medicine that has pain-relieving effects, I lie down and leave my body to the attendants… … Are you asleep?

As my body’s signals returned, pain began to creep in from my waist.

‘Swen… … don’t go… … !’

In the nick of time, I reached out with all my strength and grabbed his wrist.

He looked at me and spoke with a worried expression.

“Are you awake, my lord? First of all, it is best to relax-”

‘never… … You can’t miss it… … !’

In Serpina’s mind, that was the only thought.

I don’t want to lose this guy.

If you miss it, you will regret it for the rest of your life.

“… … Swen.”

“Master.”

therefore… …

The true feelings hidden deep in the heart.

I reveal my true feelings, which I never brought up out of fear that I might end up hating him.

I know.

That I am not in your heart.

I also realize that the master you serve is not me.

but.

Nevertheless… … I think I’ll regret it if I don’t say this.

so.

“… … Please don’t leave, Swen… … .”

That’s what I’m saying.

* * *

“Master… … ?”

Serpina held my hand and turned her body slightly to the side, and the blanket slowly went down.

Her white shoulders were revealed.

Without even having time to look away, she… … He repeated the same thing to me again.

“Please… … Please don’t leave, Swen… … .”

“… … .”

What does it mean to ask not to leave?

Does this mean that you want me to be by your side now?

With that thought in mind, I sat down on a nearby chair.

“I’m not going anywhere, my lord. I will still be here today.”

but.

He speaks again, giving strength to the arm he is holding, as if he is holding on to me as I try to run away.

“That’s not it… … .”

“… … .”

“Swen… … By my side… … Stay. please… … .”

Please don’t leave.

stay by my side

What it really means… … I notice.

Did she know?

That I will leave her side someday?

Yes, he kept saying that. She said it was okay for me to be second. He said he wanted to win my heart somehow. He kept saying that he could do anything if he could keep him by his side.

The real meaning behind all those stories… … Did he mean to ask you not to leave his side until the end?

Serpina no longer presses me to answer as I am hesitant and do not respond.

Maybe that wasn’t something he said to me hoping for an answer.

After some time of silence passed.

I carefully changed the subject.

“… … What do you think the wound is like?”

“It’s okay because it’s not to the point of death. Even if it looks like this, life is still… … I tend to be persistent.”

The doctor said there was nothing he could do.

Just apply a bandage and use herbs.

It was clear that this type of treatment would take quite some time. As short as a few weeks, as long as several months.

Somehow, his life was saved, but even to an outsider like me at a glance, it is not a light wound at all. It will probably take a few months to get married.

She must have known that she would not be able to properly take care of state affairs in this state… … When you think about it, that question naturally comes up.

“Master. Why on earth did you do that?”

“… … .”

“Why… … On behalf of Irene… … Did you throw yourself?”

Serpina was a smart person.

He must be well aware of the weight of his own life.

To me, Irene is an important person, but for this country, the existence of a monarch is much more important than a mere bodyguard.

Her behavior would have been extremely embarrassing even for Irene, the escort driver.

The fact that the object of the guard died while protecting himself was nothing more or less than the fact that the guard had ultimately failed, no matter how well they tried to package it.

He’s not the kind of person who doesn’t know that his actions aren’t helpful to him or Irene.

Why did he act like that?

Serpina slowly closed and opened her golden eyes… … He held my hand tightly.

“… … I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Called.

“… … Yes?”

“I… … Swen, I didn’t want to make you hurt.”

In a trembling voice, he confesses his true feelings to me.

“Isn’t General Irene a very important person to you? … If I hurt her… … Because your heart will break.”

“If that happens, I think it may leave an indelible scar on you, Swen… … My body moved without me knowing.”

“… … .”

“I know that everyone in the world hates me… … I thought I was used to it now. but… … Because I hurt you, in the end, just like I always did… … If I end up hating even you, I feel like I’ll break down.”

“So… … threw myself I didn’t want you to be sad. You… … I hoped you wouldn’t hate me. I am――”

――I was afraid that you would hate me.

I hold tightly to her hand as she speaks in a trembling voice.

“Master… … I will never end up hating my lord.”

“Swen… … .”

“So… … .”

Why can’t my voice come out?

In times like this, I don’t know what to say.

Under similar circumstances, I was able to tell Irene.

I can tell her everything that’s in my heart without hesitation. This was still the case today.

but.

Serpina is different.

I, the person who will leave someday… … Because telling her what to do was really deceiving her.

So, I didn’t have the courage to say the word out loud.

It’s okay to relax. I will continue to be on your side.

thank you. Thank you for saving Irene. I will never forget it.

Words to comfort her keep floating through my mind… … Can’t take it out.

Because I knew very well that I had no right to say such a thing.

at that time.

Serpina’s thin hand slowly rises.

When I came to, I saw her slowly stroking my face with the back of her hand.

“Don’t cry.”

“… … Yes?”

ah.

It was only then that I realized that tears were flowing from my eyes.

“Swen… … I did that because I didn’t want you to get sick, but why are you hurting?”

“Master… … .”

“You did well to save Irene… … If I hadn’t done that, Swen, I wouldn’t have had the courage to see your face.”

I didn’t say anything, I just held her hand tightly.

Even as tears fell on my knees, how many minutes passed without me even daring to open my mouth?

Serpina continued to wipe away my tears… …

slowly.

carefully.

She brought out the story that was inside her.

“… … Swen.”

“Yes.”

That story.

“I… … I didn’t kill him.”

For the absolute leader of a country to say it out of his own mouth, it may be truly insignificant.

It was a very heavy story to tell as a human being.

“I… … I didn’t kill anyone, Swen.”

“Master… … .”

“Algot Brother… … Brother Sidmead… … .”

As soon as I hear that name, something she said in the past flashes through my ears.

“Yes, it’s natural. I eliminated Algoth, the most likely successor, and Sidmid, who caused the greatest conflict with him, with my own hands.

She looked me in the eyes and said she had killed them all.

” As the youngest child and with no stake, what I had to do in order to ascend to the position of emperor was purge. If there are no people following me, all I have to do is kill them all and save only those who say they will follow me. Isn’t it such a stupidly simple thing? So, I organized it. Because I was a person who had to wear a crown.”

After the conversation was over, he asked me a question in a casual tone of voice.

“Do you not despise me?”

And now-

She was talking to me in a trembling voice.

I didn’t kill him.

I looked at her face.

Like I cried.

She started crying too.

The golden eyes shimmered like a lake.

“No one… … I didn’t kill him. me… … no one… … I didn’t kill him… … .”

――Hi.

A person who I thought would remain strong forever.

A woman who would never dare allow anyone to look down on her.

So much so that my beautiful face becomes a mess… … I was crying.

“Trust me, Swen… … Me, no one… … I didn’t kill him… … .”

“… … .”

In a voice that seemed as if it would break at any moment, he complained to me several times.

I didn’t do it.

He said he didn’t kill anyone.

I reveal my deep, buried feelings.

“It’s true… … .”

As I listened to her whispering voice, I calmed down and thought.

This is a protest that is truly uncharacteristic of her.

The Serpina I know is a person who gives reasons that anyone can understand when explaining a situation… …

Now, she was just repeating that she didn’t commit it, without giving any detailed explanation as to what happened.

It’s a sentence that lacks basis, logic, and speaking skills.

Ironically, his appeal was at a level that no other eloquent speaker could match.

If Serpina really didn’t kill anyone, who on earth did the evil deeds she is known to have committed so far belong to?

Has she been living alone, bearing the karma of someone other than her own?

And crucially-

Why are you telling me that story?

There were more than one or two questions.

The important thing now was not to consider each of these things one by one.

What you need to do is tell her what she needs to say.

It was something that touched her heart as she told the story.

“I believe it.”

I spoke slowly, looking into her eyes.

“I told you that too. I trust you, Serpina. It’s no different from back then. believe. I believe what you say, Serpina.”

She didn’t answer and continued to shed tears.

Without asking any further questions, I quietly placed my hand on her face.

Even though I dare to raise my hand on the face of the Absolute… … She doesn’t reject my touch.

After wiping away the tears from Serpina’s face, I held her hand tightly again.

warm.

Even though it is the hand of a tyrant without blood or tears, warm blood is flowing.

no. Maybe he was a created tyrant. Because she didn’t kill anyone. I believe what she says. I had no choice but to believe it.

My heart leans into the warmth I feel from her hands.

As I soak my soul in the warm scent of citron, I gradually realize.

The citron scent in the air right now doesn’t come from her… … That it’s blooming in my heart.

What are you trying to do?

Why are you really giving her your heart like this?

I left rational questions about myself buried deep in my heart for a while… …

For now, I just follow my instincts and lean my face into her hand.

And then.

Truly cheeky.

He vows to protect Serpina for the rest of his life.

In that promise… … Unfortunately, there were no lies mixed in.