episode_0041

* * *

The place where Irene is currently located is at the top of the fortress wall overlooking the northern side, which can only be reached by climbing the stairs.

In order to treat the wounded soldier, I had to leave the conference room and go down the stairs-

Because my mind was racing, I needed to calm down for a moment.

She was looking at the vast plain.

And- he was sensing his own fate.

‘I am… … It’s being thrown away.’

I had predicted that a future like this might come.

No matter how much you try to beat his heart, no matter how much you try to prove his loyalty.

No matter how hard she tried, her master, who was supposed to be her sun, was all about pushing her away instead of giving her warm sunlight.

No matter what contribution I made, I was not recognized, and no matter what I said, I was not listened to.

Nevertheless, he kept his father’s words in his heart and practiced hard and practiced hard so that his pride would not be lost.

The act of slashing the scarecrow with a sword was very good for getting rid of miscellaneous thoughts, and somehow I was able to hold on with my strong mental strength.

For the sake of my lord, I wanted to burn this body brightly.

The more I thought about myself, the more I wanted to somehow show and prove this passionate loyalty to my lord.

But – she wasn’t superhuman.

The passion and will that had been burning so hot soon became a tiny ember, and it was in a dangerous state as if even a light wind could extinguish it.

In this situation, if she received an order from her master, whom she believed and wanted to believe until the end, which was essentially the same as telling her to ‘go out and die’ –

No matter how strong she was, she had no choice but to break down.

But I don’t think like that. I calm my shaking heart again and again.

He harbors a vain hope that Lynn Brans may have given him a chance to make a mark.

‘… … father… … .’

The face of my father, my only blood relative, came to mind.

What should I do now?

If the sword you used to protect someone can no longer protect someone… … no.

If I’m not even allowed to protect someone… … How should I live from now on?

The Juliet family exists for the Brans family.

Even if she had run all the way here with only those words as her gold and silver, she could not help but be exhausted.

‘… … .’

If I stay here and fight till the end, will you understand?

Lin-nim, in the end, I realized that I worked hard for Lin-nim… … Do you understand?

Even if taken prisoner, they will not surrender… … If I remain loyal until death, will my loyalty eventually reach her in the end?

When I thought of that, I suddenly felt like crying, but I held it back.

Even if you are abandoned, until the end… … Because I wanted to keep my father’s will.

Even if I die fighting for my master until the end.

If that is my destiny, it would be right to accept it.

But why does my heart ache so much?

She thought.

Anyone. One person.

If only there was just one person who recognized that I worked so hard to be recognized… … .

And then.

“You were in a place like this.”

“… … !!!”

Irene, who had been lost in her thoughts, was startled and looked towards where the voice came from.

There stood Swen, a handsome man with white hair who had been with me for quite some time.

“I went to where the wounded soldier was, but he wasn’t there, so it took some time to look for him.”

“S, Swen… … How can we get here… … ?”

“Yes? That’s right, I came to meet Irene.”

ah.

Have you come to say your final goodbyes?

When I thought about it, I felt quite attached to Swen.

Although we ended up living together unintentionally at first, for Irene, the memories were never bad.

The human warmth she always craved. Just feeling that, living together was quite enjoyable.

Besides, wasn’t he almost the only person in Brans County who trusted him?

“… … Right. Have you come to say your final goodbyes? I’ve felt this for a long time, but you have a very kind side.”

She tried to smile.

A slightly pathetic smile that looks like it might collapse at any moment.

Still, it doesn’t seem to waver.

Because I didn’t want to pass on the weight I was carrying on him.

Because of the emotions I had to endure alone, I didn’t want to make it difficult for the person who had been with me all this time.

“Swen. The time I spent with you wasn’t that bad. I will never forget you. Be sure to watch the fort… … Still, maybe… … If I can’t return to Castle Anel… … .”

If you can’t return to Arnel Castle.

The moment she said those words, her body trembled ever so slightly.

“You can use the things I have at home as is, so please feel free to use them. There will be something that will make money if you sell it.”

The man named Swen, whom I had been watching for several weeks, was a very kind and friendly person.

When I was practicing alone, he would subtly take care of things for me and talk to me often.

It must not have been comfortable to live with a general of a higher rank than himself, and a person of a different gender, but he never once expressed that he was uncomfortable.

Because he is a kind person. Rather than listening to my lord’s orders, wouldn’t I ask him to go and apologize and beg for another chance?

If you try to stop me like that… …

I’m sorry, but I want you to leave.

I was thinking that I would somehow not show my feelings of collapse and just say goodbye.

Yes, if a man named Swen becomes deeply involved with me in this way.

Then, Swen also ends up falling out of Lin Brans’ eyes… … Because you will face the ‘inevitable fate’ just like me.

That wasn’t enough. I couldn’t make Swen walk the same path as me.

but.

With that said, Swen said a sentence that Irene had not even expected.

“Yes? What are you saying… … .”

“… … Huh?”

“I am not leaving. It will be here. The lord also told us to give merit, so shouldn’t we do as he said? Oh, Jack and Silin went back first and asked me to say sorry and wish them luck.”

“That… … What are you talking about?”

Irene was startled and asked Swen with her eyes wide open.

He spoke in a very calm tone.

“This is the car I said I would defend the fort with Irene.”

“… … What?”

Iren’s voice when he heard those words… … I started to tremble more and more.

“Why? why? To remain in this fortress… … .”

Only then did you realize what kind of situation you found yourself in –

I faced the truth that I had been staring at for some time.

Instead of running away from the facts, just spit them out.

“… … Being left here… … It means that you were abandoned by your lord.”

okay.

Actually, I knew it.

The fact that her master, Lin Brans, whom she firmly believed in, had ordered her to ‘die.’

And, as soon as we admit that fact-

In her heart, which was barely holding on, cracks slowly began to appear.

“But why… … Swen, you will stay here too… … .”

“It was abandoned. You told me to make a point, right? Shouldn’t you do as your lord tells you?”

“No. I am… … Swen, if you’re doing this out of useless sympathy, then stop being stupid and do it right now-”

at that time.

Swen placed a hand on Irene’s slightly trembling arm.

She flinched slightly, but did not reject the touch.

“Irene. I did not stay here because I sympathize with Irene.”

“… … !”

Irene looked into Swen’s eyes.

The lies were not read at all.

Far from being a lie, I could even feel a kind of warmth.

The warm sunlight that I so desperately wanted from my lord but did not shine on me-

Ironically, I could feel it from the subordinate general in front of me.

Unless you stay here out of pity.

Does Swen want to gain credit even if it means doing something unreasonable?

Because ambitious subordinates often do anything to impress their masters.

“But… … If you want to achieve merit, there must be a safer and more certain way. If you make a contribution in a place where the lord does not expect it, instead of recognizing it, he will actually-”

“Irene. Sorry for interrupting you.”

Swen looked straight into Irene’s eyes.

Unlike Irene’s eyes that wavered here and there, Swen’s eyes looking at her were very clear.

“I am Brans-kun’s rust eater, but… … Let me be honest. The reason I stay here and try to contribute is not for Lin.”

“… … Well, what… … ?”

“This is Irene.”

“!!!”

Iren’s pupils suddenly enlarged.

“I want to see the results that say Irene held down the fort and that everyone has done an unbelievable feat.”

“I guarded the fort… … ? Why on earth did that result… … What does it have to do with you… … ?”

Irene was embarrassed, her eyes trembling with nowhere to go.

Swen said something to Irene that she would probably never forget.

“The person I want to protect in this country is Irene.”

“!!!”

“I want to see Irene achieve proud success. I want to see that in person and tell everyone. Everything Irene Juliet said, which you didn’t pay attention to, was right. That she did the impossible. Then wouldn’t the way you look at me change?”

“… … S… … Why.”

“So, you can never leave it behind. I’m sorry to say that.”

Irene’s body trembled sharply when she heard those words.

Nevertheless, I somehow maintained my composure.

… … If Swen really stayed here for herself and not for Lin… … Especially since I couldn’t let him follow his own path abandoned by his master.

“… … Go back, Swen.”

Swen made no reply.

Iren, slowly… … After taking a few deep breaths, I barely managed to open my mouth.

At first, I was definitely trying to urge a return to refined language.

But before Iren knew it-

I was bringing out something deep inside my heart that I had never told anyone.

Already half-crying, I barely made up a story.

“He followed me from Brans County… … I can’t do anything. Even if you want to ignite that passion and prove your loyalty, you can’t. No matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you run and add air to the dying embers of your heart… … No one or anything knows. No one, including the lord. Maybe even if I do the credit and you prove that I’m right… … No one will know. Nothing.”

okay.

In fact, she knew it too.

That no matter what you do, you will never be recognized.

But, then it would be so miserable.

Because the life I had only learned to live for the Brans family was so ugly.

So, I looked away. I worked even harder. I just endured all the humiliating treatment.

but.

Her true feelings, which she had kept tightly suppressed, could no longer be hidden in the face of the true feelings that the man in front of her was not hiding.

Because I wanted to prevent this man from suffering even the slightest damage because of me.

“So… … Swen, I can’t make you be like me… … So, please. I’m already so tired, I don’t have the confidence to burn any more of the little flame left for this country. I can’t help you when you say you’ll help me… … If you were by my side… … Because it will definitely be difficult for you too-”

“Irene.”

Swen slightly interrupted again, but-

Iren’s mood wasn’t that bad.

No, rather… … It occurred to me that perhaps I had been waiting for someone to share these words with me my whole life.

“As I said before, I don’t really want to burn this body down for Brans. How can I trust and follow someone who didn’t even care about Irene until the spark in her heart went out?”

“That… … Gun.”

“And, the fire hasn’t completely gone out yet, right? So, you’re trying to overcome this on your own with such courage and without harming me. That’s just perfect. I won’t ask Irene to protect me. Instead.”

After Swen said that-

He said with a smile that he often showed at his house where they stayed together.

“Use the remaining embers to make tea to drink together. In the future too.”

“… … !!!”

and.

Only then did the tears I had been holding back start to flow from my eyes.

Everything she had built up inside her began to crumble.

“… … Black.”

Irene buried her face in Swen’s chest.

Swen patted her on the back without saying a word.

“… … Me, I… … .”

It’s okay if no one knows.

Someday, my heart will reach your master.

She will continue her father’s legacy, become a proud daughter, and eventually receive recognition from the Brans family.

The countless ‘lies’ that made up her collapsed one by one.

There was no way it was going to be okay.

I knew I couldn’t reach it.

I also knew that they wouldn’t admit it.

The truth emerged only after the armor of lies that protected female knight Irene was removed.

… … I was lonely.

She was terribly lonely.

Because of the reality that no one recognized me, I felt so lonely and isolated.

and.

I felt it only after I had shed the lies that had been covering me up until now.

That this man in front of me is the only person who understands me like this.

“Ugh… … Ugh, huh… … .”

So Irene cried for a long time in Swen’s arms.

Swen consoled Irene until the end.

Because no one would come to visit anyway.

So, we spent some time just checking each other’s body temperature.

* * *

time goes by.

Swen continued to pat her back after she had stopped crying.

“Are you okay now?”

“… … Yes.”

After pouring out all the tears I had been holding back until now, I felt like a heavy burden had been lifted from my heart.

Why on earth have I endured and persevered for this goal even though I knew it was a goal that could never be achieved?

After crying next to this man, I was finally able to make a somewhat objective judgment.

Irene turned her head slightly and looked at Swen, who was patting her on the back.

handsome. Although she did not attach much importance to a man’s appearance, she still caught her eye.

But at this moment, it wasn’t his good looks that shook her heart so strongly.

Friendliness. gentleness.

The strength that does not give up on me when I am pushed to my death.

Even now, his hand patting my back was so warm.

When I was abandoned by Lin Brans, I thought about how I should live now.

Perhaps, the answer to how to live is not far away.

For the first time in her life, she was able to think outside of Brans’s grip.

It was a bold idea that I would never have had if he hadn’t existed.

“I’m glad you’ve calmed down.”

“Yes.”

It was nice to shake off the burden on my mind and make a fresh start.

In fact, the situation has not changed.

In any case, it was true that a large army of over 30,000 people was marching here at this very moment.

After regaining her senses and understanding the situation, Irene looked at Swen with a worried look.

“Swen… … Wouldn’t it be too dangerous to remain here? It may be a little dangerous, but I think it would be better to give up the fortress and run away. Swen, if you decide to take refuge in Serpina, I will also follow you-”

“No.”

Swen spoke in a very confident tone.

When he thought about it, it occurred to him that he had always been like that.

During the discussion with Farfalle, when he argued that ‘troops should be sent to the North’.

Even when saying, ‘The soldiers we brought with us must be prepared for departure in advance.’

Even when I confidently say in front of many people, ‘Irene’s opinion is right.’

And a little while ago… … Even when I said, ‘The person I want to protect in this country is Irene.’

When she remembered that, she blushed and lowered her head.

Excited, Excited.

Through the sound of her beating heart, Swen’s voice was heard.

“Didn’t I tell you just now, Irene?”

Swen said with a confident smile.

That smile felt nicer to her than anyone else’s.

“From now on, it is time to make a contribution.”