Chapter 79: Heart-pounding returnee orientation! (3)

[Rocking Horse vs. Pixie]

A truly heart-pounding showdown unfolded.

The actual rocking horse wobbled its way over to the pixie and complained.

I’m really curious how it even moves.

“Hey. As a decent person, you should at least free me from this.”

“I turned you into a horse to live up to your name, and now you’re whining?”

Well, this is a case where the species got completely changed, so it does seem a bit pitiful.

The pixie went a bit too far this time.

But still, a horse is supposed to have flesh, blood, and bones. This just looks like an oversized toy rocking horse.

Honestly, kids would probably love it.

“At least give me back my manhood! Isn’t it too much to take that away from me too?”

“What did you say?”

The pixie glared at him.

“No, nothing. I misspoke. It’s my mistake. But please, at least my manhood…”

“This bastard still thinking about hooking up with her even after being cursed? And now he’s whining about his manhood? Geez, you’re hopeless.”

The young girl kicked the rocking horse, making it wobble even more.

“I’m getting dizzy!”

Ah, if it’s like this, then yeah, I get why he’s seeking revenge.

Shouldn’t fixing that wooden body come first?

Is the manhood really more important than the body?

But how is he moving so well in that form?

“Um, doesn’t Mr. Rocking Horse look cooler in this form? You’re really living up to your name.”

I decided to comfort him a bit.

“Even if I’m living up to my name, what’s the point without my manhood? Life isn’t worth living!”

Can someone really be this extreme?

I do feel bad for him, but riding him looks like it might be fun.

He’s a massive rocking horse, and since he’s made of toy-grade wood, he doesn’t seem all that threatening.

Might even be fun to ride him.

“Well, life is like that, you know. But he seems fun to ride? Feels like he’s the perfect toy horse.”

I climbed up on top of him.

It felt warm, which was kind of strange.

But the way the pixie and other returnees were looking at me was odd.

“Uh?”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. But with you on him, it looks kind of indecent. Plus, the rocking horse seems weirdly excited.”

I quickly got off the horse.

Sure enough, the horse was snorting heavily, more than before.

This is dangerous.

I shouldn’t mess with him.

“Wow, that’s a harsh thing to say.”

“It’s not that. Your whole body just exudes indecency. Ouch!”

It seems the young girl isn’t used to being hit, so I gave her a good flick on the forehead.

But honestly, that rocking horse’s creepy smile is a bit unsettling.

The biggest problem is just how perverted it looks.

“Hmph. Who said I was excited? I was just thinking it would’ve been nice to have a pillar on my back. That’s all.”

“You crazy idiot. Just live your life like that.”

“Huh? A pillar? Why? Shouldn’t you sit on it properly? What’s the problem?”

What’s the issue here?

“Wow, you’re so innocent about weird things.”

“What?”

Where’s the innocence in all this?

I just see him as a toy rocking horse, and having a pillar in the way would just make it uncomfortable to sit on, that’s all.

Anyway, I’ve lost interest in the rocking horse.

He’s just a toy, nothing more, so I’m done with him.

While I was here, I evolved the young girl with a disguise ring.

“I don’t know why, but I feel relieved by this form.”

“Why not? It’s better than your young girl form.”

Isn’t this form better than looking like a kid?

Look at that.

Even the rocking horse is excited.

He’s rocking away with enthusiasm.

“Wow, hey, you’re looking kind of sexy.”

“What are you, crazy? I’m never turning you back, just so you know.”

“Then at least give me back my manhood! So I can use it with you. Gyaaaaa!”

The rocking horse shrunk somehow.

It turned into a real toddler-sized rocking horse.

No matter how you look at it, saying you’d use it on an NTR victim seems a bit much.

Yeah, Mr. Rocking Horse, you’re great.

You were just being honest about your desires.

“But this is fascinating. Miss Pixie, can you really do anything if it’s just for ‘fun’? It seems like you can adjust the intensity, judging from today.”

“Well, unlike what I said before, I could mess with the rocking horse freely.”

“Oh, is that so?”

That’s really interesting.

I’ll need to keep an eye on this Pixie for a while.

-Why?

Well, it’d be handy to have her abilities around to exploit.

That’s all there is to it.

***

“Oh, it’s the first time I’ve seen the new saintess like this.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Saintess Karina. If you’re interested in the Kanora Church, feel free to leave a note in the ‘HeadSmashingSaint’ guestbook on Gal.”

I properly introduced myself to the new faces.

In particular, the android from the 24th century was quite interesting.

Her name was A07, and during her time on Earth, she was an orphan who forgot her real name, so she just went by A07.

Hearing about her background, I learned she came from a parallel world in the 24th century.

That world was an apocalyptic one where androids claimed to be the descendants of humanity.

In other words, androids became the dominant species on Earth after humanity.

According to history, it wasn’t like the movies where machines wiped out humanity; instead, humans lost their reproductive abilities due to a virus and faded from history.

“But if you can mimic a human face, why do your hands look like mannequins?”

“Hey, watch closely. This is my attack.”

A07 lightly punched the air.

You know that robot punch technique?

Yeah, that one.

It looked incredibly strong, with even the sound of air being sliced.

“Wow, it looks pretty powerful.”

“One hit from this can go straight through most monsters. Just think about it: a fist covered in human skin flying through the air.”

“Uh, that’s a bit…”

Yeah, having a severed human hand flying around would feel unsettling.

Her mechanical hand looks much more fitting.

“That’s why I chose this kind of fist. I didn’t want people treating me like a severed limb.”

“Can I name you? A07 sounds a bit off. Calling you ‘A’ doesn’t sound too friendly either.”

I had the perfect name in mind.

With it, no one would call her A07 anymore.

It was the ultimate naming sense, if I do say so myself.

“What is it?”

“Ttaengchilli.”

And so, the android was named Ttaengchilli.

“T-Ttaengchilli? Puhahaha!”

The returnees from Gal burst out laughing.

Is this really something to laugh about?

I just gave someone a proper name.

“Honestly, we were all thinking the same thing, but didn’t expect you to just blurt it out like that.”

“No matter what, come on! Ttaengchilli? Seriously?”

The android didn’t seem to like it, but there’s no helping it.

Ttaengchilli really suits her.

“So, you don’t like it?”

“Of course, who would like hearing a name like that?”

“Well, Ttaengchilli, you’re an android, after all.”

Even though she looks human, it’s a bit hard to call her one with that kind of body.

“Android or whatever, but Ttaengchilli? Do you think that makes sense?”

“Well, other Korean names don’t suit you, right? Or what, do you want to be like a Kimchi-brand weapon with names like K-3, K-4?”

“Hmm, that’s true, but…”

It’s better to have a name that feels more familiar.

“Oh, come on, don’t be like that. Okay?”

“Ugh.”

“Please? Hm?”

“Ugh, fine, call me whatever the hell you want.”

“See? You should have accepted it sooner.”

Yeah, it would’ve been better if she accepted it earlier.

Ttaengchilli is a fitting name after all.

“Did I just get tricked or something?”

“Honestly, with a saintess looking like that, who could refuse such a request?”

Now that she’s accepted it, of course, the other returnees will call her that too.

As expected of me, a saintess who gave a poor, nameless android a fitting name.

Afterward, I continued to introduce myself to the returnees.

But then….

“Wait, did you say saintess?”

“Huh?”

“If you’re a saintess, shouldn’t you be kneeling in front of me right now?”

A blonde girl with bat wings crossed her legs and sat in front of me, spouting nonsense.

Where did this bat-like creature even come from?

It dares to pick a fight with me.

“What the heck is this bat thing?”

“To think you’d call this great vampire a mere bat? As a saintess, you should offer your pure blood to me.”

CRACK!

Before I knew it, I had already swung my mace.

The bat girl’s head was smashed in an instant.

Oh, I swung my mace without thinking.

“Oh no, I just met someone talking nonsense after so long… What should I do? Did I kill her?”

But then again, she dared to mess with a divine being like me, so it’s only natural she deserves to die, right?

But if she’s really dead, I’m screwed, aren’t I?

After all, this isn’t a dungeon; Korea is a law-abiding country.

“Ah, luckily, she’s not dead.”

“Thank goodness, it’s because she’s a progenitor.”

“A progenitor?”

“Yeah, you could say she’s the strongest vampire. She’s immortal too.”

“Oh, that’s a relief. I did have a feeling it was okay to hit her.”

So, you’re saying I didn’t do anything wrong, right?

She dared to covet my blood.

Should I break her head one more time?

“Lucky? This crazy woman, did you really have to crack her skull in front of everyone?”

Right on cue, the damn bat revived.

I picked up my mace and started approaching her slowly.

“That’s what happens when you don’t know your place and run your mouth. You dared to covet whose blood, exactly?”

“You brute, you’re just mindlessly strong!”

Just as I was about to smash her again, an angel appeared and stood on the table.

“Alright, everyone’s here, so quiet down.”

“They’re telling us to quiet down. You’re lucky, bat.”

She really is lucky.

Surviving this.

“Who are you calling a bat?”

“Well, what else should I call you if not a bat?”

Anyway, I sat down as the angel instructed.

Usually, a good skull bashing would snap someone back to their senses, but this one’s different.

I’ll deal with the bat later.

And so, the briefing session officially began.

“Hey, quiet down! Now that everyone’s here, I’ll start. I’m Neifir, the angel running this briefing session because the Bureau Chief didn’t want to get egged. I’m the administrator of the Returnee Gallery.”

Do the returnees have such bad manners that the Bureau Chief is worried about getting egged?

Maybe it’s still better than dealing with hunters.

“Granny, we don’t care who you are, just get on with it.”

“Thunder Spear!”

ZAP!

One of the men from the martial arts side made a crack about her being old, and Neifir fried him with a thunderbolt.

Isn’t he dead?

“This is incredible. These are wounds from a lightning strike. I shall heal him with my medical skills.”

The guy next to him, a healer said to rival Heo Jun, ran up.

This is like a comedy sketch.

What is this?

Is this Returnee Briefing just a comedy show?

I’m starting to regret coming here.

“Make sarcastic remarks like that again, and I’ll turn you into roast chicken, got it? Anyway, you all have to listen to this, whether you like it or not. It’s about your pension.”

By pension, she must mean the returnees’ pension.

It’s important, so it’s probably going to be reduced.

The Bureau Chief mentioned eggs, so it must be serious.

“Wait, does that mean our pensions are going to be cut?”

“Wow, you really get it. Guess that’s what happens when angels think alike.”

But I’m a saintess, though.