The Outer God Needs Warmth – Chapter 11

A day has passed.

During that time, I did things that living beings do. Eating food, washing my body, excreting waste, sleeping.

Since 3/10 of a person’s life is these memories, there’s nothing uncomfortable about it now.

It’s the first time I’m doing it directly, but it wasn’t difficult at all because I have Rebecca’s memories.

Skipping over such trivial issues, the place I’m in is an underground room without a speck of light. Looking at the structure, it’s spread out wider than a decent-sized city.

And outside this underground lair is a grassland close to a desert.

In the season when it rains a lot, grass grows, and in the dry season, only withered grass and sand blow around. And there’s a deep valley that seems to have been created through a long erosion process.

It’s a scene I used to see in foreign movies when I was human. Red sand and stones. And high cliffs piled up in layers with a river flowing between them.

And a rocky mountain rising high.

Centered around that, there are small villages scattered here and there, but those are just entrances and the reality is under that rocky mountain.

I’d like to go out and see it directly once, but that would be difficult for the time being.

Hieronymus came to greet me in the morning and left, but he hasn’t come back since then, so I have nothing to do.

Joanna seems to have decided to focus on taking care of me, so she’s sticking to my side like a maid.

Last night was quite interesting.

When I lay down on the bed and fell asleep, she returned to her own room. And she thoroughly cleaned a cloudy mirror that seemed to have been neglected for a while.

And in front of it, she examined her face in detail or did push-ups while doing a handstand. It’s very interesting to see her doing it with both hands, then one hand, then her fingers.

After moving enough to sweat slightly, Joanna left her room. And she went to where warrior training is done and called someone who seems to be an instructor separately.

And she learned how to fight.

Whether her body has been greatly strengthened in terms of movement, or whether she originally had such talent, she followed the instructor’s movements quite well.

Seeing her growth to a noticeable degree in just one day, the instructor finally couldn’t hold back and asked about her identity.

Then Joanna was surprisingly happy.

“I became like this through Miss Rebecca’s blessing. Originally, I was a dying old woman with gray hair.”

She showed her hand in front of the male instructor and boasted. Then desire rolled in the instructor’s eyes.

“By Miss Rebecca, do you mean the person who came through yesterday’s ritual?”

“Yes. That’s right.”

But Joanna didn’t boast any further there. Instead, she returned to her room. Judging by how light Joanna’s footsteps were when returning, she must have been happy to have boasted.

It’s hard for me to understand, but emotions aren’t understood through understanding.

Who would understand my coldness?

After that, Joanna went into her room and slept, so there was nothing else to see but me.

And Joanna came in first to give me food, washed me, cleaned me up neatly, and then Hieronymus came to greet me and left.

Ah.

I know morning has come because they ring a bell six times to indicate it in this underground city. Wouldn’t ringing a bell in such an underground place give them away?

They must know what they’re doing.

There’s something called a sleep pattern, and when it’s broken, people are easily damaged, so in a space like this, it can be inferred that it’s important to notify the time accurately.

So morning has passed.

And well into midday, just as I was considering going out of the room because of the cold.

Suddenly, the door burst open and a child came in.

A small girl with silver hair, not wearing a mask or a robe that casts shadows on her head. But her light is quite large and strong. However, unlike the size of the light, there isn’t much warmth.

It’s strange.

“Well, are you the great being that Hieronymus is hiding so tightly? I’m Hyunkeshuni. As you can see, I’m a worthless witch.”

And what’s particularly worth noting is the huge staff in one hand. Strangely, it looks like it’s made by pulling out a human skull and spine as is.

It seems to be made of real bones rather than fake ones.

Since she introduced herself as a witch, is it rather natural for her to have such a strange tool? I think a witch should have a broom, but since the world is different, there’s a possibility that this is a standard magical tool.

As she approached, Joanna stood in front of me as if to protect me.

So I grabbed Joanna’s clothes and pulled slightly.

“Miss Rebecca?”

“Please step aside.”

“Yes.”

The way she immediately bowed her head and stepped back without even a second of hesitation is honestly unpleasant. But that’s how pseudo-religions are.

I got up from the bed and walked towards the small witch. She’s half a head shorter than me.

“Hello. I’m Rebecca Rolfe.”

“Oh ho, I didn’t expect you to greet me! But it’s strange. That’s the name of the body you’re wearing, not your own name, isn’t it?”

She’s looking at me with sharp eyes. She looks like a little girl, but her way of speaking and atmosphere are like an older person.

Is she someone who lies about her age?

It seems to go beyond anti-aging, but if she’s a witch, it’s not that strange.

In old fairy tales, witches were described as old women with hooked noses and warts on their faces, but as time passed, beautiful young girls sometimes took that place.

“It’s troublesome if I don’t have one. So I use this body’s name. Is there a difference?”

“There is a difference. There is indeed. The name defines the very existence itself. Just as you don’t die even if your body is destroyed, the essence is different!”

Can’t you live without a name?

A name is needed because there are others, if you’re alone, you don’t need something like a name. Because there’s no need to distinguish between others and yourself.

In other words, it’s the idea of a social being.

There’s a possibility that in this world, names are that important, so I can’t be sure. There’s still a lot I don’t know.

“If you want the name of your true self beyond that body, can you tell me?”

I remember and can read the name from when I was human, but strangely, I can’t tell it to others. Even if I try to write it with my hand, I can’t.

“How?”

I ask.

Does Hyunkeshuni know? I want to tell you, but I can’t.

Or all these memories are fake. Because it’s fake from the beginning, there’s no actual name that can be told. There’s just a feeling that there’s a name. Then what is this coldness? Who am I?

There are questions but.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t lead to confusion about self-identity. Before that, the endlessly increasing cold devours existence.

Right now I feel like I’m going crazy from the cold, if there’s time to worry about such things, shut up and find warmth!

If the essence of life is instinct, instinct is only shouting this right now. So I can ask Hyunkeshuni in front of me without wavering.

“Well, that’s another troublesome question. Is it that you have a name but no way to tell it? Or is it that humans can’t pronounce it?”

“The former.”

At my words, Hyunkeshuni let out a short sound like a groan. Why is that? She’s taking a strangely exclusive attitude.

“You really are troubling me. Who would call you a god? Then can’t you write it?”

As Hyunkeshuni waved her hand, a small feather flew from behind her to her hand. A quill pen?

It’s a classic tool.

Hyunkeshuni held it out to me, so I grasped it. There was a strange energy rippling at the fingertips, but I also make various preparations when touching strange things like myself.

I sat down on the floor to hold it and use it.

But the pen doesn’t move. I can’t draw shapes. It’s impossible to record the characters called Hangul.

Even if I try to translate it into their characters, I can’t. I can use their language through memory, but I can’t even write it phonetically, let alone match it one-to-one.

“It’s strange. I can’t do it.”

“There must be some kind of restriction. It’s an unexpected thing for you. Because you were suddenly caught in this world.”

She says that while looking at me with shining eyes. There’s an intention to see through the other person. In other words, this question is to explore me.

So.

Do I need to lie?

No.

“I’m glad I came. I’m a very, very, very cold sea.”

I start speaking slowly. Last time when I spoke all at once, Hyunkeshuni looked at me like she was looking at a chatterbox.

So slowly, leisurely, as if singing, with rhythm.

“I always look up at the light above the sky, expecting when it will fall. If I’m lucky, sometimes a light full of unhappy memories comes to me. Then a very small warmth comes.”

That’s you. Each life has a light in their chest, and the light has warmth. And Hyunkeshuni understands my words.

I can see fear faintly frosting in her eyes. That’s right. I’m saying that I’m looking at you like food right now.

It’s natural for prey to be scared in front of a predator. I don’t intend to kill you, but if killing accompanies the process of obtaining warmth, I’ll do it without hesitation.

“I like that warmth. I like it so, so, so much. The endlessly increasing cold retreats for a very short moment.”

This is my impulse. If you know the fundamental principle, it would be easy to understand me, right?

“So I need warmth. I’ll do anything for warmth. You say I was suddenly caught in this world? Yes. You suddenly hooked me. But, there’s so much warmth right in front of me. Thank you.”

First, I expressed gratitude. Maybe it’s a meal greeting. Hehe.

“If you say a name represents existence, all of this is my name.”

At my words, Hyunkeshuni’s face is full of smiles. But I know it’s not a real smile.

Some people laugh when they’re too scared. It’s forced laughter to relieve excessive stress.

People are simple, so just by laughing, they judge it to be a laughing situation and automatically produce the effects of when they laugh. It’s not that they laugh because it’s funny, but they can laugh because they laugh.

“Was that the answer you wanted?”

Hyunkeshuni didn’t answer my question. But hiding behind laughter and trembling with fear, very small, fear that overflowed and couldn’t be stopped even by laughter became words and burst out.

“What have we done.”

It’s like the reaction of calling an evil god? I’m just a beast at best. I don’t have much intelligence, my special abilities are too meager to be called a god, and I don’t have the majesty to make people bow their heads at first sight.

It means I’m a pet that eats a bit too much.

I’d be happy if you raised me like a fierce animal in a zoo.

I’d even become the mascot of the zoo if I could get warmth!

So.

“Don’t be afraid, Hyunkeshuni.”

I put my hand on her cheek, channeling a wild animal slowly opening its heart.

“No one has done anything bad.”

I really don’t think it’s a bad thing that you hooked me.