Chapter 20 : I like you, a lot (4)

Something feels off today.

No, is it really just today?

Lately, I’ve been truly strange.

“Are you tired from walking too much? You don’t look so well.”

“No, it’s nothing like that. I just zoned out for a moment. Probably a food coma. Yeah.”

I’ve been overly conscious of every little thing Taeo does.

Like right now.

To the point where I even forgot we were filming and ended up whining to him.

The camera sitting in the corner of the table seems to be scolding me, like, What are you doing?

Does it really think I’m dating him or something?

All Taeo did was wipe some sauce off my mouth with a tissue…

Things that used to be natural between us as friends no longer feel that way.

I haven’t shown it to him, but it’s been like this all day while filming.

When he caught me in the second-year classroom.

When I piggybacked on him in front of the gym to recreate an old moment.

And even when his hand accidentally slipped under my skirt and touched the inside of my thigh.

These things that I used to brush off without a second thought now don’t feel so easy to ignore.

I felt so embarrassed, flustered, and my heart kept racing.

When his face got really close to mine earlier, I couldn’t even make eye contact.

I was scared he might notice the way my pupils were shaking.

When his hand touched the inside of my thigh, I let out a soft moan without meaning to, and my heart pounded like it was going to burst.

It felt like there was static electricity coming off his body—like I’d get shocked just by touching him.

Why is this happening?

Is it because of the question he asked me that day?

Because that question made me realize that what I thought was a given about our relationship might not be so certain after all?

Because the seed of doubt he planted has taken root in my heart?

…This isn’t what a normal friendship looks like.

Normal friends don’t think it’s a big deal to kiss each other.

So then… What are we?

If I can’t find the answer to that, am I just going to keep living like this?

“Hey, can I get some water?”

“Warm water?”

“No! Cold. Like, ice cold. Don’t mix in any warm water.”

“That’s surprising. Since when do you ask for cold water?”

“The tteokbokki’s kinda spicy. That’s all.”

But that’s not true.

The tteokbokki from this neighborhood snack place is always sweet.

It’s barely even spicy.

It just looks fiery red because they dump in a ton of chili powder for color.

I just wanted to snap out of this dazed, drugged-up state.

I wanted to clear my head.

That’s the only reason I asked him for cold water.

Without saying much, Taeo pours me a cup from the water cooler behind him.

I feel the chill of the stainless-steel cup and gulp the water down my throat.

The cold water shocks my overheated body back to normal.

To hide my feelings, I put on a mask and act more cheerful than usual.

“Alright, let’s do a feeding scene. Yoon Taeo.”

“Huh?”

“Let’s do a ‘feed me tteokbokki’ bit. I’ll go first. A~h!”

I subtly point to the camera with my eyes, signaling him.

Just like he said—this is filming.

We’re only pretending to be a couple for the footage.

I skewer a piece of fish cake, his favorite, and hold it up to his mouth.

He swallows the fried food he was chewing and opens his mouth, looking slightly awkward.

I don’t even know why, but that expression looked… cute.

He puts the fish cake in his mouth and chews it gently.

“Tastes better when someone feeds you, right?”

“…Maybe?”

“No vague answers.”

“It’s good. Feels like it’s laced with something.”

“That sounds weird. We can’t say that on YouTube!”

“How about ‘Drug Tteokbokki in front of Hyeondeok High’? For the title?”

“That’s not even a couple vlog anymore. That’s just a mukbang…”

“Aren’t we basically a mukbang channel? All we ever do is eat.”

“You’re not wrong… but still, no.”

Then Taeo casually picks up his own toothpick.

He stabs a piece of rice cake and holds it out to my mouth.

“Here, your turn. How should I feed you? Should I fly it in like an airplane? I’m good at that.”

He swishes his hand around like a rollercoaster, teasing me.

“…Do I look like a kid to you?”

“You do kind of seem mentally on par with my cousin.”

“How old’s your cousin?”

“Four.”

“Hey! I can definitely beat a four-year-old!”

“So you want to win a mental-age contest with a toddler. Hmm.”

“Winning is always good. Isn’t it?”

“You’ve got a warped sense of competition, Chaeryeong. You need to take another class.”

He tells me to open my mouth, so I do.

But even that feels a little embarrassing.

…If I open too wide, won’t he see everything inside?

Once I became aware of it, every little thing felt embarrassing.

Even the shiny sauce on Taeo’s toothpick.

That, too.

…I mean, that was in his mouth, wasn’t it?

I hesitate over something so silly.

Stop it, Chaeryeong.

Get a grip.

Are you in elementary school or something?

What are you even thinking?!

Before my mind could spiral any further, I shut my eyes tight and opened my mouth.

Not too wide, just enough so he couldn’t see too far inside.

And then, his toothpick enters my mouth.

I try my best to avoid touching it with my teeth and just bite off the rice cake.

Then I pretend nothing’s up and chew it like it’s the most delicious thing ever.

“Tastes good. Since it’s from my boyfriend, it’s extra yummy.”

I mumble nonsense just to fill the audio.

Even though I couldn’t even really taste it.

While I’m pretending to be fully immersed in this tteokbokki mukbang, Taeo asks from beside me,

“Should we finally talk about it?”

“Talk about what?”

“You said you wanted to tell the viewers how we started dating. There are a ton of comments asking how we got together.”

“…Ah.”

Right, we came here to film that.

I almost forgot and was just about to film the tteokbokki mukbang and leave.

“Did you really forget? No way.”

“What are you talking about? There’s no way I forgot. I came here to finally talk about it. You just brought it up first.”

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yes. That’s right. So as far as I know, you said you liked me since high school, right?”

“Yeah. That’s right.”

“The process of us dating itself was nothing special since I confessed to you after we started college, right?

So I thought it would be nice to talk about the past — how you ended up falling in love with me?”

I giggled as I said that, and Taeo paused for a moment.

He was probably thinking about the script.

Let’s see how well he prepared.

I smiled to myself and decided to check his storytelling skills as if I were a judge.

“Actually, this isn’t much different from the confession itself.”

Taeo smiled bitterly, as if recalling the past or acting.

“That day was just like today. It was the midterms of our second year. I messed up the test and was feeling down, so you took me here. Do you remember?”

He began to tell the story of that day.

Looking back now, I think I was pretty lonely as a child.

My father’s business failed, leaving debts at home, and my mother worked late at a restaurant to pay them off.

After I became old enough to live alone, since I was in elementary school, the house was always empty.

When I came home after school, I was always the first to turn on the lights in the dark house.

So I liked school.

At least at school, I wasn’t lonely.

I didn’t have to cook myself instant noodles in a dark room and play on my phone alone.

Because Yoo Chaeryeong was always there next to me, just being there, bouncing around and lifting the mood.

Thanks to her, I had no time to feel lonely or depressed.

“Why the sour face again? If you have nothing to do, come work with me. Let’s hang out.”

“Yoon Taeo~! Let’s go to the snack bar! Snack bar! Why don’t you want to? I’ll buy it! They have new bread! You have to try it!”

“Hey, studying again? Isn’t it boring? The drama I watched yesterday was really good. You should watch it with me.”

She taught me the joy of socializing when I only knew how to study because I didn’t know how to play or have fun.

Since kindergarten, she was always bright, lively, and got along well with everyone.

So it might have been natural for me to be drawn to her — like a sun shining from the same spot every day.

“My mom says she would have died without you, Taeo. Thanks to her son, she’s alive. Really.”

One reason I had to study well was that without Chaeryeong, I had nothing to do except games, so I was bored.

But that wasn’t the whole reason.

More than that, it was because of my parents’ quiet expectations.

They never pressured me directly, but having endured a hard life, they always asked me about school.

And every time I brought home good grades, they were endlessly happy.

They said I was the only pillar of the family, Taeo.

With my father’s failure making things difficult, I was probably their only hope.

I understand how that feels now as an adult, but back then, it was a pretty big burden.

To not disappoint my parents, I pretended to be a model student and worked hard.

So when I slipped up on the midterms in my second year of high school, it was a big shock in my life.

What am I going to tell my mom?

Did I party too much this time?

Did I get arrogant because I studied a bit?

When I got my midterm report card and was feeling down, Chaeryeong quietly came over as usual.

“What’s wrong? Did you fail the test?”

“…Yeah. They say the test was easy overall, but I still failed like this…”

Usually she would tease me with a smile.

But seeing me truly depressed, she didn’t joke around after school that day and said,

“How long are you going to be like this? You’re making me sad too. Come on, I’ll buy you something delicious.”

She took my hand and led me to our usual snack bar.

As we shared some fried tteokbokki like today and I showed my slight sadness, she asked me,

“Did you fail that badly? How badly?”

“I don’t know. Me too. I don’t know how badly.”

“Even if you failed, it’s not as bad as me, right?”

“What meaning is there comparing to you?”

“There is. Of course. I’m not as good as you, but I’m not that bad at studying either.”

“True.”

If I was in the top tier, she was in the upper tier.

She got compared a lot because she was always beside me.

Then she hesitated a moment and carefully began to say what was on her mind.

“Actually, you know, Yoon Taeo.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, it’s a bit awkward to say this, but when you said you failed the test, I was kind of happy?”

“Happy? What? Did you actually hate me?”

When I grumbled that I knew she’d say that, she shook her head with a tteokbokki in her hand, saying that wasn’t what she meant.

“It’s just… if you fail a bit, maybe we could go to the same college… so… I was a little happy…”

Chaeryeong’s eyes rolled playfully.

She looked like she was worried about how I’d react.

“I was a bit anxious, you know. You’ve always had good grades. So it’s good you get good grades, but whenever the gap between us grew, I thought maybe we wouldn’t get into the same college. Maybe I could go to a nearby one. They say if the college gets far, the friendship gets distant too. Those thoughts kept coming up.”

“Oh.”

I was at a loss for words and thought about her worries.

I was so focused on getting good grades that I never really thought about how things would change between us if we went to college.

I assumed, as always, she’d be by my side.

“So even if you fail, you don’t have to be so sad about it. If it doesn’t work out, we could still go to the same college.”

Maybe that clumsy comfort, mixed with her true feelings, touched me.

Actually, after hearing Chaeryeong, I briefly thought,

What would happen to me if I were separated from Yoo Chaeryeong?

Moments without her weren’t very pleasant for me.

Would I live days alone at home, lonely, bored, and unhappy?

Imagining a life without her was quite difficult.

But still, rude words slipped from my mouth.

“What? You want me to go to college with you too?”

“Why? Don’t you want to go to college with me?”

“No… it’s not that I don’t want to…”

Chaeryeong, who had been serious, took a sip of water,

then blushed shyly and said to me,

“You know, Yoon Taeo, I want to be with you for a long time. I really like you, a lot.”

At that moment, sunlight came through the window and lit her face.

Hearing her shy confession made me feel breathless for a moment.

Cute.

She’s cute.

That was the first time I thought Chaeryeong was cute.

So maybe it wasn’t so strange that my heart started beating wildly at those words.