Chapter 19 : Umbrella

Lee Jian looked quite unwell.

I reached out to check if she had a fever, but she recoiled in shock, stepping backward.

‘Is it that Yoon Jihoo is fine, but I’m not?’

A bitter smile tugged at my lips.

“Are you crying?”

“I’m not crying.”

“Your eyes are red.”

I let out a sigh.

Was that sight really so painful?

I didn’t know.

In a world where love was the central theme, I felt like I would never truly understand that emotion.

Because I was nothing more than an outsider.

An outsider who would have to leave someday.

“Do you want some?”

I held out a drink.

“Why is it always this one?”

“Because it’s a buy-one-get-one-free deal.”

And because it’s your favorite drink.

“Is that the only reason?”

“…Yeah, that’s the only reason.”

Either way, I decided to stay until Lee Jian’s condition stabilized.

“It’s really pouring outside.”

“Well, it’s summer.”

Slurp.

The sound of Jian drinking reached my ears.

She wasn’t drinking noisily, but somehow, her quiet sips cut through the sound of the heavy rain.

Was it because she was sitting right next to me?

“Finals are coming up soon.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.

Midterms just ended.”

“Surprisingly, it’s true.”

Slurp.

A small gulping sound.

Could a person’s essence be captured in a sound?

Even the way Lee Jian drank her beverage seemed oddly endearing.

“Are you preparing well for the competition?”

“I got scolded a lot, and I’m working hard because of it.

What about you?”

“Well, just so-so.”

“Are you not working hard?”

“I am, but effort only matters if it brings results.”

I pressed my palm firmly against my hand.

Then, a gaze followed.

Lee Jian, looking straight into my lowered eyes.

She was leaning so far forward that I started to worry she might fall.

“You’re going to fall forward if you keep doing that.”

“That’s such a harsh thing to say.”

“Falling forward?”

I tilted my head in confusion, and Jian reacted sharply.

“Not that!

The part about effort only matters if it brings results.”

She was wavering.

Both of us were.

In our own ways.

Jian spoke in a quiet, sunken voice.

“That’s like disregarding other people’s efforts.

It’s not like they didn’t try.”

“…You’re right.”

“Maybe that’s why there’s such a thing as a participation award.

Like saying, ‘You tried your best.’”

She spread her arms wide, passionately making her point.

“Alright, I get it.

I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

Jian asked playfully.

I answered just as playfully.

“For forgetting to bring more than one umbrella?”

“What?!”

“Oops.”

“Hey!!”

“You must really not be sick if you have the energy to react like that.”

Jian started hitting my shoulder repeatedly.

“Aaah, I said I’m sorry!”

My voice trembled as I laughed.

I had only just remembered it now—too late to do anything about it.

If I had remembered when I bought the drinks, I could have at least picked up another umbrella.

And from the very beginning…

Never mind.

“Do you want to wait here?

I’ll go home and get another umbrella.”

“It’s fine.

Let’s just go.”

“Is there really a need for that?”

“Hah, I’m small and cute, so I won’t get wet even if we share an umbrella.”

I stared at her quietly.

When did it start?

The habit of checking her expression even while joking around.

The barley drink I picked every day, as if on reflex.

If I were an observer, if that was my role…

Then I only wanted to observe you.

Jian’s eyes flickered chaotically.

Her face turned redder and redder.

“So you really are sick.”

At that, she averted her gaze.

“…Could you maybe forget that?”

For a moment, my fingertips twitched lightly.

Forget it?

I didn’t want to.

Like a photograph, I wanted to hold onto this moment forever.

But even so—

“…Alright.”

At my words, her face brightened.

As I wondered what else I should say, I ended up smirking.

“Since it’s a request from someone as cute as you…”

And then—

Thanks.

I expected that reaction, but still—

I wished I could have stretched out this playful moment just a little longer.

“Can you walk me to the bus stop?”

“Just to the bus stop?”

“Why?

If I asked you to take me all the way home, would you?”

I looked at her quietly.

Her face was lightly flushed, her pinkish eyes shimmering in the dim light.

The moment our eyes met, time stretched.

I should have said something.

But no words came out.

Eventually, I shook my head.

“No, I was going to bring you an umbrella from home.”

“Ugh, that’s so lame.”

“What’s lame about it?

It’s more comfortable to have our own umbrellas than to share one.”

“That’s not romantic.”

“Romance, my ass.”

“And I thought you’d find it a hassle.”

Jian muttered, turning her head away.

The way she jutted out her lips made me chuckle.

“It’s not a hassle.”

“My mom said she’ll bring an umbrella to the bus stop.

Just take me there.”

I nodded.

“Alright.”

And then, I just looked at her.

Like shielding someone from the rain with an umbrella,

Standing beside her like this felt completely natural.

How long would it stay that way?

Leaving that unspoken question hanging, I quietly started walking.

The rain was still falling.

Quietly, softly.

The space beneath the umbrella was small.

Every step made our shoulders brush slightly, leaving only a sliver of space between us.

Outside, the rain roared, but under the umbrella, the sound was muffled, like we were in a different world.

I walked beside Kim Dohyun.

And then, deliberately—

I leaned slightly toward him.

He reacted immediately.

“Hey, aren’t you getting a little too close?”

I looked up and smiled nonchalantly.

“I can’t help it.

If I don’t get close, I’ll get wet.”

The small gap between us.

I wanted to close it.

“Since you’re not moving closer, I have to.

Isn’t that right?”

I heard him take a short breath.

And then—

Ever so subtly, he tilted the umbrella toward me.

I raised an eyebrow.

“Oh~ what a gentleman.”

I deliberately stepped even closer.

Just enough for my shoulder to almost brush against his.

Another sharp breath from him.

…Should I stop now?

But I didn’t.

Instead—

I moved even closer.

Kim Dohyun replied briefly.

“Shut up.”

I chuckled and turned my head forward.

Still, I stayed right by his side.

The space under the umbrella was small, and our shoulders and sleeves kept brushing against each other.

He glanced at me, let out a sigh, and tilted the umbrella slightly again.

“Happy now?”

“Hmm, still a little off.”

I leaned in even closer.

He flinched.

But he didn’t pull away.

I smiled mischievously.

But I knew.

This wasn’t just a joke.

I knew he was trying to avoid me.

And maybe, deep down, I knew I shouldn’t be doing this either.

But still—

I wanted to get closer.

As long as it stayed lighthearted.

At this distance.

At least for this moment, it felt okay.

“Kim Dohyun.”

I softly called his name.

He looked at me.

Under the umbrella, our eyes met.

‘You’ve been avoiding me lately, haven’t you?’

I held back the question and asked something else instead.

“Do you like rainy days?”

“Not really.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t like the dampness.

The sticky, clinging feeling.”

I smirked playfully.

“Me neither.

But you know—”

I leaned in just a little more.

“I’m starting to like it a little.

I think it reminds me of myself.”

“This weather?

In what way?”

It sticks.

Like this undefined feeling that clings uncomfortably to my heart.

Like the rain, my emotions were murky and messy.

I tried to erase them, but they wouldn’t go away.

And it blurred everything, making things harder to see.

“I don’t know.

And there’s another reason.

A bigger one, actually.”

I shouldn’t be doing this.

I knew that.

But I didn’t move away.

Avoiding it felt wrong.

But—

Getting closer didn’t feel right either.

What was I supposed to do?

“Kim Dohyun.”

I called his name again.

Under the umbrella, our gazes met.

The sound of rain grew louder, but beneath the umbrella, it was quiet.

I leaned in—slowly.

In this cramped space where there was nowhere to run.

“Do you know why I started liking the rain?”

“Why?”

His voice was low.

“Because it lets me be this close to you.”

His fingers tightened around the umbrella handle, then loosened.

Under the umbrella, our breaths intertwined.

And for a brief moment—

He stopped walking.

So I stopped too.

The rain poured even harder.

Even though the umbrella shielded us, I felt like I was getting soaked.

“It’s just a joke.”

I said lightly with a smile.

But at that moment, his gaze wavered sharply.

“Don’t joke about things like that.”

His voice was quiet, but firm.

I smiled, but something inside me ached.

“Why?”

“Because it’s confusing.”

A short and definite answer.

At those words, I couldn’t bring myself to laugh anymore.

“What is?

What’s so confusing?”

For a while, he didn’t answer.

The rain slid down the fabric of the umbrella, and within that shelter, only the sound of our breaths remained.

“Whether I should share my umbrella with you next time or not.”

“What?

Of course you should!”

“Why would I, when you keep messing with me like this?”

“You were the one who only brought one umbrella in the first place.”

I grinned teasingly, deliberately acting smug.

“Maybe you only brought one because you wanted to share it with me?”

“That’s why I said I’d go get another one.

But you stopped me.

So maybe it’s you who wanted to share.”

His sharp counterattack left me momentarily speechless.

Another awkward silence settled between us.

“Now we’re even.”

“…We were competing?”

“There’s something like that.”

Even as I said that, I was at a loss for words.

Because the truth was—

I was the one who wasn’t joking.

Raindrops splashed against my shoes, soaking my toes.

Just like that, something was slowly seeping into my heart.

But I tried to ignore it.

“Do you remember the cleaning duty incident?”

“Yeah.”

How do you remember it?

Was it just a memory to you?

Or was it something more?

Because for me, that day remained like a frozen photograph.

“I wanted to apologize.

I think I went too far with my teasing back then.”

“It’s fine.

You don’t need to apologize.

It was just a joke.”

“…Yeah.

Just a joke.”

Just a joke.

That’s what I always said.

But this time—

I couldn’t stop my voice from dropping slightly.

Kim Dohyun walked on, as if my words really meant nothing.

As if it was no big deal.

The space under the umbrella had grown smaller, but somehow, we felt further apart.

The umbrella shook slightly.

His shoulder was getting wet.

I couldn’t afford to push any further.

“Do you still hate the rain?”

“…I don’t know.”

His quiet response lingered in the air.

I had seen it countless times.

His gaze, drifting toward Nayul.

And every time, I pretended not to notice.

Pretended it didn’t bother me.

But the more I ignored it, the clearer it became.

“So you do hate it.”

Which means—

I have to give up.

Before this feeling gets any deeper.

While it’s still unclear, before it settles completely.

“I actually hate the rain too.”

I said it as calmly as I could.

The rain blurred his vision, and for that, I was grateful.

He couldn’t see how much this hurt.

So it was fine now.

It had to be.

I bit my lip.

But then—

He pulled me closer.

That small gesture made my heart waver again.

I looked up at him.

“You’ll get wet.

You already don’t seem well today.”

I should let go.

I should stop now.

But the warmth of his hand on my shoulder felt hotter than ever.

His kindness made it even crueler.

It’s just him being considerate.

That’s all.

But—

Just for this moment, can I let myself believe otherwise?

Just for today, can I let the rain blur the lines between us?

I couldn’t nod.

I couldn’t deny it either.

I just stood there.

The rain kept falling.

I had tried to step away from Kim Dohyun, but in the end, I had taken a step closer.

Under the umbrella, it was warm.

But in the end, I was still getting wet.

I tried to push away my thoughts, but my throat burned.

I really was like the rain.

And I hated the rain.

As it poured down on us, I found myself wishing time would stop right here.

And at the same time—

I wished this moment would pass quickly.

That the rain would stop soon.

I didn’t want to get any wetter.

But maybe—

I already was.

And maybe, it was too late for an umbrella now.